Hmmm......

I was replying a HOT friend's mail and i wrote this "Sometimes when you think you need sex but it's a hug that you desire, and usually a hug is what you don't get even though you are sucking him right in the open. " It's like i can give you a blowjob but hugging you, is gonna loose my virginity!!. 

I never felt like that before. Maybe because while i was still in the working scene people around me always greets with kisses and hugs..May it be just for show or intended. It's still a hug.  So once in a while you may  just get a strong hug. 

Now that i mentioned it ...there were once i am in a super low mood cause i got scolded by my superior for a bad week of sales. I felt super ugly and i was just edging there around my colleague. Then one of the ex colleague turn up. A tall guy  who has a strong broad shoulder. Well of course the normal formality we kiss and hug. I don't know why ..i guessed he is excited seeing everyone he hugged me quite hard. When i felt that sincere close touch i cried straight away. My tears came out non stop. I have to walk away to the toilet and hide. Hhahaha......

Now that i am not working..I don't get that anymore. Well... only hug my dog and it's only the size of a chicken. So i don't know is this ridiculous but right now i am really missing all the hugs that i could get and you may not intentionally intend to comfort that person but i guess we in this strangers world feels lonely all the time....a little body touch does helps a lot. 

Hope

 Okay... tomorrow i'm having my bllod test. My skin test and gonna take x-rays of my lungs. Hmmmm.... I woke up this morning and felt rather bold. Dry. I think if any guy now walks over and offer me a hug and tells me everything is going to be alright. I'll marry him right away. Hahhhaa..... I know.. I know... this shouldn't be going on. Things already happen and i should be accepting it. Millions are worst than me right? That's one part that i hate about my self. I've never let myself completely loose. As much as i want to weep like a baby and just let it out, i always ends up comforting myself to be okay. I guess i should be okay. Hope everything doesn't get's worst. I actually felt hurt. It's actually very pain. Alright, let's pray that everything will be better for me. It has to be okay. I can't affort to hust my siblings and my parents anymore. I need Hope. Some hope.