Pain

A beautiful movie. Charming actors. Beautiful location and great Color. The idea of this movie is very pain. Actually it's very pain for me to watch. LOL.... it reminds me of this feeling that i hate having. The feeling of Wanting. Desire. Failure. Anger, Suppressed Anger, Sadness. Sacrifice. I think what scares me the most is that i have been in this role.

I Wonder

I wonder will anyone from my place are generous enough to teach me play piano. I'll trade doing their house chores for piano lessons. I am not working so financially i'm retarded. House chores for Piano lessons. Hmmm.. I've always wanted to learn piano so bad. And house chores? I really mean errands, cleaning and stuff. Not sex.

Love IT

I Felt It.

Accidentally watched a series. A Korean series that i believe it is at least a five year old production. I stopped and watched because the male actor in there has a very strong resemblance of this real life guy that i always saw during event parties at my work last time. Bumped into him a few times in the train but never initiates any interactions. He is the kind of guy where looks bloody handsome, have great sense of fashion but fucking humble and shy. He never looks at me. I know he does know my existence. Was talking to his friend once in a party. They were talking to each other, i went over to say hi but wasn't introduced. Really. It's at times like that you would ponder and ask yourself "why" and "what if" :(

Anyway the very and only episode i watched has to be a sad episode. The guy loved another girl and break ups with his current girlfriend. When the current has no choice but to leave him but at the same time she couldn't. It's like dooms  day you know. That particular feeling that suffocates your heart. That pain. I hate that feeling. I know i felt it before somewhere but i couldn't remember when. Is that normal?  LOL...

Bold Move

I had sex with this guy 12 years ago. After that we didn't talk much and eventually we don't talk at all. He then further his studies and me started working and all. Few months back i saw his FaceBook in my friends FaceBook and i check it out. He is living in US now and he is married with two daughter. I had consider very long should i add him or not. Well of course you know many stuff happens in between during those years that's why we started not talking. It's not the sex. Yesterday i requested to add him. Hmmm..... he did approved. So i just text him a "Hello" text. Hmm... hopefully it would be a casual text back. It's a scary moment though...    

Again?

I seem to always rise weakly. Here i start firing my self up and then i don't anymore. Arrgh.... if these goes on i will burn my self down. I don't know what i need to actually fire me up!! This is frustrating and tiring!! I'm seriously whining here. I got it but i am not charged up to do anything... though i did do my everyday routines. At least that. Everything is so dark now. Even when i smoke outside everything is silent. Hmmm...... where are the fresh morning and humble air gone. Anyway met a guy who is too nervous to get hard. Is that an insult or pure innocents? 

I'm Scared

I'm really terrified. I'm calm but really, i'm terrified.