TIRED

I  just came back and sat down here around 2.30am and heard Auld Lang Syne from Ricky's blog. made me remembered that i used to read everyone's blog and why now i have stopped doing so? So i went through most of it and now it's 5am.

Commenting on Joker's post kinda made me realize that how nice if all of you bloggers are actually here. Near me. I mean i can touch physically. Not for Milk lah...but really. How nice if all of you are an actual person that i can speak to and laugh to and have drinks together. Then i guess pain and worries would be less tense cause, friends do take your mind away from whats bothering you and make you think lesser of troubles.
Anyway... leave  that aside... i had quite a shitty celebration. Hahhah... fireworks were covered by all the high rise and i am being sprayed by little kids!! Ish...
Again leave that aside.... instead when we were having drinks near my place called "Little Bally"was the most fun times of the night. Though there are nothing much done. But the calm and steady environment were quite a sweet treat. Well of course the cute sharp bartender and the sexy slim leg guy sitting behind me made it even better.

Owh..anyway i kinda tried to confront my fears yesterday by going to 7E and have a drink at the restaurant there. It has been 4 months and a week since he left. Yes though looking through ManHunt and learnt that there are actually so many Gays at Nepal. It kinda freaked me out. I must say there is that fear and sorrow but i just wanna confront it before i move into 2013. I guess i am calmer toward Samir now, as in i am kinda beginning to accept the truth. Maybe or maybe i am lying to myself. Anyhow i have to face the fear and try to budge my self. He did text me yesterday with wishes for the new year.

Bumble Bee came back months ago. His grandma passed away. Did not get to see him until he visited my sister at the hospital. My sis had a baby boy. Aydeen Mikail smth smth... Believed it or not i wept when i saw the baby and my sis. Boleh tak?? It's just overwhelming. Then I was surprised that Bumble Bee was quite courteous and acted like we never been closed. Well he didn't shut me off that i could feel but it's just quite empty. Hmm....  mildly sad about it but i am just glad that he is healthy and happy. I hope i can feel like that towards Samir though.

I have to go through another surgery sometime in 2013. It's my 10th surgery. Quite unbelievable that i have gone through that. Owh...it's not entirely a bad thing. It's because it's healing too well that my eyes are kinda pulling the tube that they planted behind my eyes away from where it's suppose to be. The little bad thing is that it's also like a time bomb. If they are not careful while surgery then it will cause my conditions to go worst. If the bomb is not disturbed then i am okay.

One big thing that i learnt in 2012 is that never to ignore. Things like because you wanna argue less and you ignore the problem. It helps on the spot but in the long run? It boils and it gets even uglier than before. In my case  all of the problems came firing back at once.

I felt like i have slept over 2010 and 2011 then i learnt everything at once in 2012 cause i felt kinda tired.  And at the beginning of 2013 i am only in the middle of all these that i am about to face. As i am documenting these down...i am not really feeling sad but instead i feel tired and really felt like mentioning it.

I hate Taylor Swift but i am listening to her now, so ironic!! Also heard from Ricky's Blog.