Hmmmm.........

I specifically desires for a certain guy. When you Still don't get it? Do you still wait or alter your wish? 

Do you remember ever having these thoughts of who and what you would be. Not like a dream or goal but just some random "foresights" you see in yourself? I always have felt weird having sex with Chinese guys. I somehow felt strange. Like there would never be a connection there. I don't know why, I worships uncuts but I am more sexually attracted to Malay guys. So I have always search for Malay guys. Then ultimately, I always have felt that I almost certainly would eventually be with an Indian guy. I just plainly feels more comfortable when it comes to Indian guys. 

So now it comes down to..... Why am I not working towards my instinct? Have I lost or misunderstood the purpose of my being? Sex certainly have Made me thought that, all these while I have been searching. Does any one at all " at that moment" realize that sex is just for that moment and not for life? Have i mistook hunt for searching? If my instinct is right? That means so far I have done nothing at all to accommodate my search for my "one" 

I think what am I trying to say is that. With all the outcries that we heard of.  Not having a boyfriend. Does everyone knows what they really have been doing?  You hunt for sex or you search for a boyfriend.

Now I realize... I certainly didn't.