FIFTEENpointTwentyFourteen

How long can someone stay calm while waiting to be swept off their feet?  You know you can be calm. You think you might be able to wait. You think you are superior. You just don't know there is another self of you would try to sneak up and do stupid stuff. Here I thought that I'm in line waiting for my turn. I like my boss and I thought that I'm being patient till the guy to appear. Little did I know my other self is acting up. Sneakily acting up. Yeah! That sneaky self appears when I'm drunk.  I try to seduce the bouncers and I speak vigorously. 

Me : hi! How are you? 

kelvin: I'm okay. 

Me: what's your name? ( took up my hand to shake his hands)

kelvin: I'm Kelvin. What's your name? (While shaking my hand)

Me: errr...... You're beautiful. 

Then I kiss his hands and start kissing his neck!,!!! 

What am I doing??? Then I tried to hug him but he pushes me off. I went out to seduce the bouncer and after that I had a dream that I'm caressing my favorite gorgeous cousin. That I have secretly admired gor decades.  I think I sucked somebody that night. I remember sucking someone but I just can't remember who is it. 

I'm reeked with desperation. My drunk self act up and would just put up with just anybody. I remember seducing another guy. I remember trying to touch someone. I just want to smell a warm neck and feel safe. I just need a hug. I just need this chapter of searching to end so bad!! I just want to be loved. I just want to have someone to be called " my boyfriend" 

I'm sorry that I got drunk. I'm sorry I became a monster!!!