TWOpointTwentyfifteen

This is what happens when you like a straight guy!

You go nuts and crazy jealous!
BUT then, When you analyse what is happening? He is just being him self. His natural self. He is not even trying to lead you on. Everything took place innocently. Brutally innocent.

Must i always fall for the straight ones? Or it happens cause i am mostly around straight guys only. This is really cruel.  

I just had a moment. A moment of jealousy i would say. I just saw him walking in to the office after my boss. Usually he'll text me for keys. I already prepared, waiting actually..and he appeared after my boss.
LOOK at this... we are not even together yet and there are already such thought. Am i really that obsessive?? Or it's just because i have no assurance yet??

I guess when people are together, subconsciously it comes with this sure feeling. This assurance that let them feels that they are together. That they belong to each other, hence JEALOUSY doesn't occur that much. Cause there are TRUST involved. I hope it's like that cause i am afraid of my self. My Jealousy self. It feels ugly and i hate that feeling. 

Anyone who has been through this know that this is a game that no one could withstand. Slowly falling for a straight guy. It's messy and pain. I told myself too many times already. Not to indulge too deep into it. I told my self that one day "this guy will come along" I am still waiting with hope. What else can i do? Dear GOD, Please grant me one guy that i can love with all my might!!!

I constantly reset myself for the sake of happiness and i still have to do it now. I feel like i'm always in a mess!!!