TENpointTwentyfifteen

Me: Are you afraid of gays?

Him: Yeah.....

We: Silence...........

Him: Why?

Me: Ten seconds silence then "Nothing!"

Him: Ahh....hahahah....... ( we were talking about condoms before that)

Me: Laugh and i change the subject. 

Me: What do you think i should do to the petty cash? (started talking about work stuff)

Him: I think you should not worry so much about it. We should sort out the main accounts first.

Me: I'm gay.

Silence....

Me: I'm sorry i have to tell you this. Please don't worry, i meant you no harm.

Him: Silence and nodded to acknowledge my remarks. 

Between "i'm obsessively in love with you" and "I'm gay" I chose to come out to him. I have to do something drastic or else i cannot stay calm. I will burst!!! I will tear and break into pieces. 

Something changed after i came out to him. I feel that he is more at ease. I don't know what, but i feel that he looks more settled in or something. He still keeps his distance when he talks to me but it's friendlier. 

That was last week. This week might be his last week mentoring me. Friday might be his last day at the office. Meaning it might also be my last day seeing him. Though this week we are scheduled to stay late in the office everyday then he will send me back home every night. Yayy...jolly good but will this benefit me or actually amputate me. 

I was at my hometown. After Friday, after working hours.... i started thinking of him. Liking someone is very pain, but missing someone is even more hurtful. The ever constant searing pain that you can't seem to shake it off. Agitates every point of your nerves making you restless and suddenly he magically became the one and only healer that could stop this menace.. 

I am actually very nervous about the book that i am about to make for him. I can't seem to have a good design. I'm afraid i might have not enough time to do it. I  start work at ten and will work till 12 or 1 am everyday this week with him. That means i only have time after that.  I'm worried i cannot finish it on time. I am freaking out. I feel like crying.