Nathan Hartono - Terlanjur Sayang | Official Video

Had a dream of this guy once upon a time., and woke up that morning wondering... "Where the hell did that guy came from?" Didn't realize that the Hot lad in my dream actually existed. Must have seen him before and didn't remember.
So pleasant. Not trying to be emo or anything. Just felt good when i bump into this song. 

Then i found another Video.... 

 Makes you feels good isn't it? I'm glad i went through my playlist this morning. Smiling!!

Straight Guys

I did some very daring move. There is this three straight guys that i thought that they are quite nice and genuine. So while chatting I told them frankly that i don't mind to blow them, and i told them that don't hesitate or embarrass if they ever felt like it. Just ask for it. They know that i am gay of course. Separate occasions of course and they don't know each other. It's guys that i befriended while wondering around my area. Well it didn't come out as awkward or anything. It came out as part of the conversations and all. Cause usually by courtesy i guess, they would just ask about gay stuff. So they know i am not trying to be rude or anything. All three are Malay guys,  18, 19, and 23 

So far no BJ's has been given and to my surprise, my conversations with them gets quite personal.  These three guys are the only ones that i took an extra bold step compared to the rest of the guys. And it's these three that i felt the most HEART. I mean they care. They would thought of buying junk food or drinks for me and they don't mind going into details while chatting with me.They would ask questions about sex with their gf or even how to masturbate better.  Lolzz... I thought that after what i had told and offered? It would just scare them off, but it didn't. We became better friends instead. Felt very genuine & warm. 

I was just secretly wishing that it would be nice if i have gay friends like that. 

Reach

You would think that having these little little unpleasant feelings are somewhat juvenile. I thought that i would never feel it again. I thought that i am way too old to ever feel it again. Well, I guess these feelings just has no age constrictions. I wish that I don't feel it. It's just unnecessary and causing me pain. Thank god it's not dramatic. Maybe I just don't love this person that much yet, or my attempt of controlling my feelings are working? I contain my feelings this time you see, and not letting my wild feelings run wild, spurting and dripping everywhere. So just hope I'll just manage to stay sane in days to come. 

Shall

It's that empire i desire? 

Its that, empire that i shall build!

Dia

 

It's not easy when it's so close and you can't touch. It just felt like when you heard a deep song and you have no way to get the title of that beautiful piece of song. So i am directing my emotions to elsewhere, before i go nuts. Lolzz.... So far? ?? ... KUACI kinda helps to take my mind off . Hahahah... Never thought eating KUACI would distract me. Messy stuff though. 

Dia

 The last time when i saw a beautiful soul, I crashed. This time i wish i could contain my self. I got to know this guy who works as a security (not the one that i bj'ed) at some building. He's straight. I hang out there quite a lot, cause i know he needs the company and also it's better than me sitting alone at the park. Then there is this guy who works at a restaurant nearby saw us. So occasionally he would hang out with us.  It's this restaurant guy that when i first saw him, there were angels and fairies with fire flies floating around him. You know it's that feeling that tingles and you know it that you would fall for him. Of course i am damm happy that i have met him. But why always when i have these feelings it has to be towards a STRAIGHT guy??? It's really tiring. Really really tiring. It's really against my believes to actually not to do anything. I mean missed opportunities. The last time, i was quite severely deconstructed. It burnt me quite bad. Luckily i could still salvage myself. So this time i thought of not going to go through it again. 

You know... these people seems to be prettier everyday in our eyes when in reality they didn't change at all. That is what i am feeling and that is what i FEAR. 

I want to leave this be and not to homotize the friendship, but i am afraid the force is too strong.