Dia

 The last time when i saw a beautiful soul, I crashed. This time i wish i could contain my self. I got to know this guy who works as a security (not the one that i bj'ed) at some building. He's straight. I hang out there quite a lot, cause i know he needs the company and also it's better than me sitting alone at the park. Then there is this guy who works at a restaurant nearby saw us. So occasionally he would hang out with us.  It's this restaurant guy that when i first saw him, there were angels and fairies with fire flies floating around him. You know it's that feeling that tingles and you know it that you would fall for him. Of course i am damm happy that i have met him. But why always when i have these feelings it has to be towards a STRAIGHT guy??? It's really tiring. Really really tiring. It's really against my believes to actually not to do anything. I mean missed opportunities. The last time, i was quite severely deconstructed. It burnt me quite bad. Luckily i could still salvage myself. So this time i thought of not going to go through it again. 

You know... these people seems to be prettier everyday in our eyes when in reality they didn't change at all. That is what i am feeling and that is what i FEAR. 

I want to leave this be and not to homotize the friendship, but i am afraid the force is too strong.