TWOpointTwentyfifteen

This is what happens when you like a straight guy!

You go nuts and crazy jealous!
BUT then, When you analyse what is happening? He is just being him self. His natural self. He is not even trying to lead you on. Everything took place innocently. Brutally innocent.

Must i always fall for the straight ones? Or it happens cause i am mostly around straight guys only. This is really cruel.  

I just had a moment. A moment of jealousy i would say. I just saw him walking in to the office after my boss. Usually he'll text me for keys. I already prepared, waiting actually..and he appeared after my boss.
LOOK at this... we are not even together yet and there are already such thought. Am i really that obsessive?? Or it's just because i have no assurance yet??

I guess when people are together, subconsciously it comes with this sure feeling. This assurance that let them feels that they are together. That they belong to each other, hence JEALOUSY doesn't occur that much. Cause there are TRUST involved. I hope it's like that cause i am afraid of my self. My Jealousy self. It feels ugly and i hate that feeling. 

Anyone who has been through this know that this is a game that no one could withstand. Slowly falling for a straight guy. It's messy and pain. I told myself too many times already. Not to indulge too deep into it. I told my self that one day "this guy will come along" I am still waiting with hope. What else can i do? Dear GOD, Please grant me one guy that i can love with all my might!!!

I constantly reset myself for the sake of happiness and i still have to do it now. I feel like i'm always in a mess!!!

Twentyfifteen

There is this guy. My boss's brother. He is here to be my mentor. Now that he is about to leave, I feel Really awfully awful!!!! As usual, the guy has to be straight. I know that these are not love. Cause it's too brief to be in love. It's just built up pleasant warm feelings towards him.

He treats me quite nice. Most probably it's just courtesy and i'm exaggerating his kindness. The thing that i hate about this is that, He looks damm beautiful and i discover nice things about him by the minute and i feel uglier by the seconds. I know that i'm not picture perfect. I know that and i got over it ages ago and be all GLEE about it. I felt confident and screw ugly. I felt all beautiful though i have shit hanging in my left nostril. 

I don't know why this guy is taking my GLEE away. He has done nothing to lead me on. He is just simply being himself. There i felt like licking his buck teeth when he talks. His smooth boyish princed voice, sounds good even when he went off key. When his cheek twitch... it's funny but adorable. It makes me smile. You should see when he plays ping pong. He looks damm chic. 

I'm always like that. When someone treats me nice with respect? i would always end up seeing all the pretty things in them. I wonder if people sees that in me. 

 Anyway, as CNY approaches, it also meant that he is going off soon. I hope he would still continue to work here. I hope and pray very very hard that we would magically end up being together. I really adore him. I would give him my world. I also know that if that happens? It would be totally  fiction. So i hope i can withstand this great seduction, and don't end up doing anything stupid. There were so many times that i wanna casually move over to smell his forehead and kiss him. I hope i don't end up embarrassing myself.