This is really crazy. Yeah...for a moment there i am being struck by....(what i don't know) Love? I think Love is such a strong word. You know what i thought today in the afternoon? Cause i was eagerly waiting for him to reply my text. For a moment there i was deciding that...if i ever gonna be with him. I would accept his crazy part and i would come clean with my family. (currently still discreet only to my family) Then my jaw dropped and my tongue rolled on the floor and went over my dog. I can't believe that i actually think so. Shocking!!! Then i saw Xing's comment. couldn't agree more. Then it makes me think again.... It's just a day. Just once met. I am thinking too much. What ever that might happen also...it will happen gradually. This is even too early to judge and i am already thinking so far away. Besides i would never agree if any of my friends starts being together after a date. I always tells them to be calm and know the person first. The day will come...if it's yours and you should make sure it's a right decision. Jiwang!!!! Jiwangg!!!!!
I was chatting with my best friend over this case and my friend were saying that ,his spasm looking face and the way he "Ting Tong" are symptoms of a drug user. Hmmm, my friend are kind of pioneer in these drug thingy. Cause she is quite crazy last time. Well...it really describes him. He does looks like he had a bad experience with drugs before. He did told me that he does Chem sex last time but not now. If these are the after effects of drug abuse. I understand. The thing is, when he is excited he jokes loudly.. till everyone stares...then he speaks like he is mumbling. His laugh are cracking the roof. Till the stage where i felt afraid that he might just wakes up and sing a happy song on the street. When he sleeps...his body never stops twitching and he mumbles tons of thing while sleeping. Did the drug messed up his brain?
Leave those aside... he is unrealistically perfect. Will i see him again? I am sure i will see him again if such plans took place. I would even feel so bloody lucky if he ask me out again. Then these are my worries...Is he still on drugs? Chem sex is quite a daring game. Did he slept with many at once, or usually with drugs ppl get bizarrely creative and is he "safe"? Did the drugs messed up his mind? Cause he definitely looks quite different from his pic. As in his face muscles did go off position a bit. With all these matters i somehow still foresee myself "might" still..... will.....fall for him. I am scared. I do not want any messy stuff. I know in a way i sound bad, i am also worried and scared. Not to mentioned the vast empty feeling of the "forbidden fruit" moment.
I just got to get this out of my system. I just got back from a sweet mellow roller coaster ride....but also bitter. It last about eight hours. I met this guy online. It started out very dirty at first but just somehow it got okay and just somehow we never get to meet up. Then it happened yesterday. I met him up. We had supper and then to his place . He ask me to stay over when i say i need to go home. So i stayed anyway. then we had lunch as that's the time we woke up. Had a walk, down a mall...then he send me home. He is everything i wanted in a man. Gentlemen. Super good looking but dorky at the same time. So happen that he is tall. I am only at his shoulder. (The owner of this blog is 5'7") At any entrance he would move aside to let me walk first. The kind of thin body that i like. He is stable by himself. Smart with conscience. Not a hint of sex. This eight hours i felt like i know how Cinderella felt when the prince helps her to wear her glass shoe. It's like when he ask me "what drink do you want to drink?" Without hesitation i'll say "I DO" blinking my eyes. HAIKS!!! Not that he is into me!!
He is a cheerful guy too. It's TOO cheerful. Like he is overdosed with some drug or something. Speaks and laugh Loudly!!! It almost comes to me as though he is "Nuts" Then he has this veins twitching thing that makes him speaks with funny pronunciations It's like someone who is suffering from some drugs overdosed or something. Other than that. He is really "Everything" I can't stand it when he put his hands at my waist, whenever he is guiding me to a different directions. That is pure thoughtful. Even when walking down the stairs he tells me to watch my steps cause he knows of my vision's conditions. Sweetness.
This feeling in me now are so weird. I felt empty. So hollow...like almost i need to weep but it's just not there yet., but it paused there. I know i am sad though. Somehow...i know i still will give it a go if he "ever" try to catch me.
What is this man??? It really feels like you are sitting on the beach on a Sunday afternoon. Hot but there are strong wind blowing but it's dry..You felt empty almost bored but it's exciting cause you are at the beach. Then at the same time you heard the news that Princess Diana just passed away. This is quite shitty man.
*NOTE : This is speed Blogging. Further elaboration will come! If there is any.
Was reading a profile and this quite caught my attention. It's very true but i am thinking it's quite lame. Then again it still got my attention and made me took all the trouble to even post it here in my blog.
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits they become character; Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Maybe because from where its coming...the owner of the profile sounds quite vulnerable.
Recently i kept on watching the tele at very odd times and yet i happened to bumped into the greatest shows. Well, mostly History channel, Discoveries and so on. Have you ever wondered? How does it feels when you woke up to the mountains of Bolivia? Have you wondered diving with the whale shark at Christmas Island? Have you ever wondered stepping into an ancient church? Have you ever wondered how does it feels to be in the dark on a cruise at Antarctica? Have you stand right underneath the milky way? Have you ever wondered being surrounded by sculptures in Italy? These are extraordinary breathtaking grand scale miracles.A majestic sight that often easily makes you feels overwhelmed. It's a shame that we are never near any of it. I always feels that all my life i have achieved nothing. It's like my life are wasted.
I always see these profiles in PR. I always reads through a profile if i am interested. Whenever i come across a guy that is tall, many always enter their dick size as "m". So after sometime i begin to question. A tall guy should have a longer dick. Well if it's not by gene then it's just the matter of proportionate. So after some time i begin to question these guys. Many will answer me in a random way. Some will say..." i think mine is not big at all but it's not small either." or "some may perceive M as L, but some may perceive L as M" ... yeah..i understand but what if you tall guys thinks that 7inch or 8 inch is medium but for a shorter guy, that size is an XL!!! Then when i ask about the measurement they begin to shy off, thinking that i am a sex maniac or something. Funny . I have a dorky friend who thinks his 7incher is a "normal" size. Hahahah...i am just frustrated that i can't get an answer. That's all.
Turning Tables. It's no wonder i am particularly attracted to this song. It's like my relationship with my current best friend. I have posted about him many times before. I should give him a name here. Well i think that he is an egoistic self-centered obnoxious male chauvinist ass hole. Lets call him ANASS. (An Ass) Yeah...that's it. I feel good about it. Anass
It's heartbreak. You are crushed and You almost wanna vomit out of the blue. You feel like the world are organically cruel. You wanna cry but your tears are just not coming out. You feel that this is a wound that may never heal. Then your closest friend is the one you turn to. You sit down. Your face is almost like a melting plastic plate. Your friend prepares to synchronize with your awfully mellow mood. In the silence...you start to tell your story. With another presence besides you, you may feel it's easier to cry. As a friend of course when we hears a friend is in need. We be there to hold your hand. When there is a problem we share our point of view. Even suggest solutions and encouragements in hope to make you feel better.
So what do you mean when you pour your damaged love story to a friend and ends the session with "you are not me so you will never understands the "love" in this relationship"
Hmmm...then why even bother to TELL in the first place? People understands your love when it's a problem but we suddenly don't anymore when it comes to the solutions part?
Ps: this "Break-up" happened two years ago and that phenomenon above is two days ago.