Saturday, November 28, 2009


Hah.... Hah... ha ha ha........ I should be excited to get to work. I love my job. I guess one has to make one thing happen if it's for the best. Stopped at the toilet at KL Centrall. Right when i came out of one of the booth i see a guy standing at the urinals with a hard on. LOL.... what an unexpected event. Well, just looked at his boner realised he's cut and actually quite long. Ah well..... i just walked away and he must have hated me cause not even giving him enough attention  for exposing himself like that. LOL....... Well, if one could be so daring. Imagine how many guys has "do" him. Yikes!!! not gonna take the risk. It was unexpected that i actually had fun at work today. Kinda think of it, i didn't see any cute guys today too. Except for this guy. Another unexpected event. Well, you know how usually guys stand at the urinals and peek? Sometime ago i encountered with this kinda hot guy at one of the urinals. Well, both of us had 'hard on' and i'm so tempted to touch but never did. Just looked. He well had a sexy dick. Long for his height, Veins that shows his intensity. Pre-cums... too bad i don't dare to touch. Was damm nervous and i actually gets soft. Couldn't concerntrate so i walk off. Months later i found out he's working in the same company with me, but different store. Once in a while we'll accidentally met outside while smoking. As it goes on i learn that he has a girlfriend and he is all damm straight and all. He even introduced me to his girlfriend. So i thhought maybe the last time was a one time horny rush!! hahha..... We never mention about that event before though. Now he seems to like to chat with me. Occasionally come asking me out to smike and he talks a lot to me. ??? First build a barrier with me and now he place a ladder at the wall and reach out to talk to me. How wierd so guys could be sometimes. Anyway i'm glad it's like that now though.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

One Day

"Oh, i just moved back form UK and i'm living at AVE K apartments now. My balcony is actually facing the the two towers (KLCC) so didn't plan to go anywhere during New Year. Gonna sit at my balcony and watch the fireworks." That's what one of my customer told me today. How envious. She's actually a 85 year old lady who came to buy a bag for her daughter's Christmas present. It's just envious that at such an old age she lives stable life and hapilly too. I think every old ppl should be living like that. I hope i could give my parents all that. Well.... one day. One day i will. The day passsed as usual. No particular to shout about but as usaul there is some guys that i could go all GA GA over. Some documents at work reminds me of Bumble Bee. I kinda miss this person, maybe not the loving ones but his presence maybe. Work well gave me some stress. Okay, maybe lots of stress. I hope this would go away fast. is this a mid life crisis??? I maybe too young for it but i think i'm a million years old.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Begin Begining

Well, days has been kind to me. Well kinda good. I lost some weight. At work is getting better. Decided to give it another chance. Hmm... overall i think i got my swagger back. Noticed damm many cute guys around and it makes me sweaty and hard. Well jack off twice already today. How can these guys makes me go nuts just being themself?? *nuts*

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The other TWO

Now I'm ready to write about the other Two. Let's name him Bumble Bee. "Who is that rich spoiled brat that laugh so loud?" "Who is that Snobbish spoil rich brat?" "Why is this spoil brat always laughing and he laugh so loud?" These are the things i said before i know him. Yes, fortunately we were introduced. He happens to be not rich but rich of laughter. Everywhere he goes everyone will start laughing. He is a charm. He is also the opposite of what i am. He is also everything my opposite. Yet he has everything i wanted. His laugh, the way he eats, the way he sleeps, the way he gets angry, the way he work, the way he nag, the way he whined, the way he is. It all makes my heart smile. A constant smirk appears on my lips when ever he's around. Even when it's the saddest time or even when he's at the angriest. We do have some histories. Not been together but he lived with me a while, with me totally cleared that he is never into me and living together is more like a friend thing and not a couple. When he's at my place he charmed everyone. My sisters loved to hang out with him. Having him around actually makes that one moment a very easy going moment. It has been five years now. We are growing apart. Of course he has to find his Mr right and me of course have to keep myself away cause when he's around I'll stick to him and no one else. One guy that i would do the unthinkable. Great length is nothing if it's for him. I won't complaint if it's for him. Getting snow from Everest is worth it, if it's for him.So for his own good and my welfare i have to contact him lesser. Stay way from him. I came to my senses, that it's best i be far and it's okay. I was wrong. I didn't come to my senses. I feel bizarrely pain. My heart seems to be streaking tearing apart. I thought i could. I miss him. Still now i still didn't go meet him cause i know it won't do both any good. We meet up once in a while though. Just to catch up and complaint. Without me knowing it, i actually planned and do things thinking that i should include him all the time. I guess i missed him terribly. I really missed him.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Back to work

I'm back to work tomorrow after two days off. I hope i could forget and just be free of my self miserable thoughts. Well, kinda look forward to the train moments. Hope tomorrow would be a great great day. Yesterday i had a dream of this guy i kinda like. Bloody sexy and i woke up jacking off. Oh... that was tiring. Some fun at least. Grrr...... why i can't get off this miserable thought of going back to work and meeting with all evil vampires. ????

Sunday, November 15, 2009


Well, i have told my manager. Talk to her. Hmm... I notice big difference in one of my colleague. To think that there are still good people? Many things are not that easy. They are good. If only they choose so. When you drop or step into a hole. You see some other maggots rise to the occasion. Just in a blink of an eye. We are in constant war. War could be in many shapes. I'm actually disgusted. I hate and feel dirty working with such peoples. Well, i think i shouldn't be in that emotional and tiring war. Ah, yes i'm just gonna be out of it.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A big risk.

Thanks there, for your strong embrace Mr.Hombre. Really thanks. I needed it a lot. Don't let go till i finish crying okay. :) Aiks!! To think i'm holding up and trying to not tell anyone. Hope i could stand my own flame. :) Well, i've decided to confront my manager abaout my prob. Something happened and i screwed up some reports. Well, it burnt my manager up the wall and she's not talking about it instead just ignored me and giving strong hints that she's angry. I'm really at fault here. No one to blame. I own it up and apologise to her. By the way it's just really her to act this way. Maybe she's afraid that if she open her mouth there will be fire roaring out.  Hmmm... it has been two days. Finally i've decided to ask her to scold me. I actually want her to scold me. At least it gets out of her system and mine too. And we can work in a better condition. I guess tomorrow i'll pop the question. This tragedy here this time got me to think hard weather Should i quit my job? It hit me that, I gave up so much for this job, something that i believe in so much but this job never stops hurting me back. Time, Money. Future. Anyway i met Eric just now on my way home. He is in the most beautiful mood taday, hence he looks incredibly cute taday. Get to talk quite a lot with him and some laugh too. Well, at least there is some laugh today. :) Thanks again Mr.Hombre. You take care and everyone have a great great day ahead aight.... Cheers

Friday, November 6, 2009


I feel like tearing myself up. Tearing my skin and scream as loud as i could and dive into the fire. I feel that i'm beginning to break down. How long should or am i bound to bare with this survival? It's enough already. Well, this is life. Everyone has thier own problem. Not only me who is suffering. I know. I really know that. But enduring it within a good environment and enduring it in a bad environment, makes a different. How much can a amn take? How much should he take? I know it'll never end. Let me settle one prob first okay? I can take severe obstacles. Quantitty outwitted me. When i say i want to cry. I feel corny. Nor i could cry in public or at work place can't i?... now these i learnt to cry within. I guess only people who experienced crying within only could know how pain is it doing so. I don't want to be moody. I don't want to be sad. I'm in pain.pain. So pain. Very pain.It's at times like that i need you Aba. I hope there's a soul that i could talk to.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


Well it turns out Eric is attached. Well.... I've tried. :) Anyway it doesn't means we couldn't be friends. The other guythat i kinda like too has already stop texting me. All because his beloved ex couldn't stop re-contacting him. I don't understand, his ex complaint that thier 2 year relationship is dull and ask to break up but couldn't stop luring him. What's da point?? He this guy also is kinda a fool. Well can't say a real fool. I admire his loyalty and i understands him emotionally. If i'm him i think i'lll also still put hope in this broken relationship. Well, wish him all the best. So there's no more guys for me to hope anymore. I have to wait again...... Work has been dull. I work with passion but the brand and my brand manager lets me down. I kinda in a very dissapointed zone here. Major dissapointing zone. I feel bored and hesitates to go to work now.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


Two guys in my life that gives me the most impact. I miss them dearly. One is Aba (not his real name). A writer who works from home. We've never met. We chatted over the net for some time. It started two years ago. He's an euration. I've only seen his picture. Well looking. We then proceed in chatting through text messages. I love texting him. He always manage to make me feel good. Somehow he sounded very mature. Makes me felt very stable. Though i know it's fantasy. Through out the first year. We've never spoken of sex nor meeting up. It's actually the first time i ever speak to another gay and didn't start with sex in my mind. He's always kinda flirtatious. But funny deep down inside i know we'll never be together. He's always very lazy too. Always wake up late but make sure his job is done. A very charming guy cause he always make sure to buy gifts for his parents. Or treats them out for dinner from time to time. Aba, is the only guy that actually made me felt love. I know it's nut case. It's only texting. I'm clear that this is virtual. Ironically, we understands it's okay and we understands we won't go overboard loving each other ga-ga-ly. It's mutual.   We complaint and story each other bout the guys we've met and our scandals. The sex scenes. Ha ha....... Well it all ended. One fine day, he stopped texting. After a month i found out that everything and every profile regarding him are deleted. I'm not angry. Cause it's not his duty. I just missed him dearly and begin to worried Shit. I pray that he is doing great and healthy. Fingers crossed. Nothing severed happen. I do still text him every now and then. At least i know There's one person that is wishing him well.