Monday, December 30, 2013

The Next Step.

So. I will start working in my brother in-law's advertising company. I have zero knowledge in designing and i am not tech savvy. Basically i am stupid when i step into the company. I was told that i would be taught to use everything that is necessary to do the basics. Like brooms, pail, and detergents. Lolss... :) I am quite excited about this idea though. The only thing that i don't like is my brother in-law. I despise him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Well, for the sake of "Life" i'll try to withstand this ass-hole. So i'll probably start next year in February. 

2013 is a bad year and i heard that 2014 is gonna be even worst. I hope this does not apply to majorities. I hope and wish that in 2014 the world suffers lesser pain. If it's inevitable? Let it be as lenient as possible. I'm gonna spread LOVe and hope that i'll meet "MY" love in return. It's about time that someone held me in their arms and pat me to sleep already!!!.. LoLzzz......

Do walk through 
with pride 
 make it a great wonderful journey. 

Happy New Year!!! Happy New Year!!!
Happy New Year Guys!!
(I really meant it)
(If you Fall? It's Okay I'm Here)

Thursday, December 19, 2013


Everyday my mom will call my dad. My dad never fails to pick up the phone right after the first ring. The other day he didn't. My mom panicked. Called  neighbour #1, on vacation. Neighbor #2, at hometown. Neighbor #3, went out. Neighbor #4 didn't pick up the phone. Finally, Neighbor #5 responded. 
The guy went to my home. He could see my dad from the gate. The whole house was dark, only the tele is on. My dad is lying down in front of the tele. He shouted for my dad several times but my dad did not answer him. Through the phone, my mom screamed asking him to break the gate and doors. Do whatever to get to my dad. More people came to help my neighbor. When they finally get in and turn on the lights. My dad's hands and legs has already begun to turn dark. There is no sign of struggle on his face or anything though. It looks like my dad left while sleeping. He left peacefully. The doctors says that through what the eyes could see, my dad is healthy. There is a little blockage in his heart but it's not fatal. So for now, my dad has no cause of death. The blood test result would only be available after 3 months. 
I'm writing this not to obtain sympathy, but if you do sympathize me? Please do convert that into love and touch your important ones. Life is fickle. Regret weighs a million times heavier at times like that. Ironically, so is comfort. The simple set of McD's that you want them to try. The bottle of vitamins that you think they should have. The place that you wanted them to visit. The movie that you wanted to watch together. That call that you've been wanting to make. Do it. Express your affections. There is no shame in love. Deliver it in the weirdest way. Even if it's awkward. It's worth it. 
My dad is never a lovey dovey person. It felt like we were stranger when we were together. A few years back, my dad started to hug us and he would tells us that he loves us. He broke the ice. He initiated it. Never in my life I would thought that I would hug my father and actually tells him "I love you" right to his face. Now, I'm so glad that I've ever hugged my dad. I'm glad that I've told him that I love him. I'm glad that he went off peacefully. 
I hope that it's not too late to write this. With Christmas and CNY in the corner. Be near you family. Be around your loved ones. Love generously and never ever forget to love yourself too. 

Wednesday, December 11, 2013


I am sorry DAD. I am sorry I couldn't provide. 
I am sorry. 
I will take care of everyone and mom.
Rest in peace DAD. 

Monday, December 9, 2013

So Good.

Wentworth Miller is dating Luke Macfarlane and TD is dating Dustin Lance B. ? I always love Luke in  Brothers & Sisters. Felt a bit sad because i can't see him anymore, when Brothers & Sisters are being canceled after S5, Kinda think of it, i think i only love him and Kitty's new bf in the entire B&S series. So i know Wentworth just came out recently. So if the rumors are true? It would be one of those sweetest thing that ever happened, and they should be protected or something. like how you protect the precious endangered species or something. Then there is Tom and Dustin. 20 years apart and they look so compatible. Another couple that should be protected. I teared on this one though. Cause their merge just means that old man like me still have hopes. I hope they'll never separate & I sincerely hope all the best for them.
Then i heard this song "Safe & Sound" by Taylor Swift ft Civil Wars but covered by some guy. I like the male version more actually. Then i found this one covered by a guy and a girl, kinda not bad and the best part was they made this MV with Jack Frost!!  It was awesome cause it's my favorite animation. Nice combination. Kinda like emo watching it.
It's nice that so many sweet stuff are happening around. I know they are like light years away from me and has nothing to do with me. But at least they brightens up my day for me. 
Life is hard. Life is even harder when there are not even a single shred of progress. So at times like that, these little things do helps to keep me afloat. 

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

What do you think?

Made myself an envelope bag. Well it's the first attempt of making a bag. Surely gonna learn lots about all the Do's and Don't of constructing a functional bag. I know it's bad photography. Who would think that ipad had such "great" camera...
My Initial "P" At the front and at the back it's "with hope" "and faith"
The cover
"with hope" "and faith"

My brand "Charles Einpairs" with a loop in the inside
The function of the loop
Side view and clearer view of my initial

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Hair Cut

I had my hair cut the other day. My usual stylist was out, so i ask for the next in line instead. J. When i look at J, i think that J feels like the picture above. Humble, dorky and has zero idea that he himself is raging sexy kinda bodoh-bodoh feel. Lolzz... damm cute. He is also from the Zero-fat breed. Damm lucky..
 I first saw him, it was two years ago, might be longer. Since then i am already gaga over him at first sught. You know the kind where once you saw him and you will start to "fat hau". Almost in fantasy land. your whole body starts to flex and perks everywhere, then your guts tightens and your underwear seems to know how to slides down by itself,!! Suddenly you are ridiculously happy. You start smiling with backlight behind your eyes!! You'll have a permanent smile even though you are only staring at a can of hair spray.
I chat with him once only though through out the years. That's also just for 30 minutes. That was before CNY this year. My stylist asked for his help to iron my hair. I never really thought of seducing him tough. He looked damm straight and i can't see myself having such luck. You know it's the kind where once you look and you know he won't be gay at all, and automatically even he is fucking gorgeous you just know that there is no point to pursue.
So through that chat i did my investigation. With speed. I got to know his name. He is living with his girlfriend at this area near my place. She is from overseas. He jogs every morning, and many other stuff. Because my stylist is not him, so i barely get to talk to him. Practically zero interaction. I  only gets the courtesy greetings whenever he saw me. 

Every time when i saw him i would go all nuts. So was that day, only that it's a bit better this time. I  requested J to cut my hair instead, since my stylist is at their other outlet.
He waited for me outside the shop cause i told him i was across the road buying coffee. He was bored i guess. When i went in, the place is practically empty. One staff is at the back and another is at the reception desk including me and J. That's all. Anyway i told J how i wanted my hair to be. Showed him pictures and stuff. After the discussion he begin to cut my hair.
For the first 30 minutes, we were silent. For the second 30 minutes, he initiated a topic. So from there on we chat quite a bit. Third 30 minutes, we went silent again applied some cream all over my head  and it's only "I need to rinse your hair". Through out the whole session i kept on stare at him through the mirror. Not until he notices of course. I only does it when he is not looking. The fourth 30 minutes, my stares and stress got more intense though. Because he is really adorable. I have this massive urge to just grab him and suck his lips. My imagination went to Mars and came back in minutes. 
The fifth 30 minutes he has to apply some cream on my whole head again and he was doing it section by section. While he was doing towards the centre of my head. He lower the seat and he leaned his entire bulge at my arm.  When that happened. I think i blacked out.  Almost had a seizure. I'm sure i almost fainted. I totally don't know what to do. I do intent to dirty my hand there for a second, but that was too risky. You know my hands are under the plastic covers, so if i really grab his bulge no body would really see it.  Even if there is i wouldn't mind. I am afraid more of his reaction though. What if that thing touching me is his hip bone instead? Cause it was quite hard. So i didn't do the grab.
Frozed for a while and with my stealth thinking. The first thing i blurted out was, "How is your girlfriend?" (If my hands were not under the covers?  I'd  slap myself.) Anyway he answered that she is working oversea now. Visits him once in a while. That explains the hard on. If that was a hard on. I dig deeper then. I asked him who is he living with now then? He says he is living alone now. Then the next question i asked almost immediately after that was, does he likes to drink? Cause if i want to get him, i must have beers to be brave. He said yeah and tells me some of his drinking stories.  awww... fucking adorable.
Back to the part where I'm not sure about his bulge or it's his hip bone that is touching me. You know how when you are having a hair cut and when you rest your arm on the arm rest? Sometimes your elbow would touch the stylist's bulge(accidentally) when the stylist didn't notice your elbow. That kind of incident only happens ages ago. Now it's sort of like a known fact, that's why now these you hardly get to "intentionally" accidentally touch the packages. OR unless it's intentionally done by the beholder of the package. 
I ran some test. He was doing it to both of my arms. I only dares to execute my test during the third time he touches me. So when he return to my left arm i try to caress his bulge with my elbow. Damm.... i could still feel it now. I looked into the mirror when i did it. Staring right at his face. With the position that he is in and with his height i am quite sure it's his bulge. When i moved my elbow he didn't moved away though. Instead he pushed harder. I love these scandalous moments. It's like you're pouring red wine on your body to be consumed by a flaming tongue. LOLzzzz....... I'm going nuts.
At that point i am still not sure that everything that i thought happening, was really happening. So my actions were small. Still don't dare to do it officially, because he is not acknowledging his actions. So at that point i am still not that sure yet. Suddenly my initial hair stylist came back. Bummer, Right after that his style of doing everything is different. He doesn't stand that close anymore and seem to know where to avoid and stuff. So by noticing such big difference. I am thinking that what happened just now didn't happen by accident. I am not fantasizing or making it up in my head. It must be real right?  My translation on the incident is that, he don't mind having sex with me but due to the situation, where we are not close, I'm his customer plus he has a girlfriend. So he is being discreet.  

I cannot let such chance pass me by. I took his number. I ask for his name card actually. He gave it to me. (could be business courtesy) then i ask if his handphone number is on it? The card doesn't has his number , he took back the card and additionally add another sticker on it , to write his number. While he is writing it i told him that maybe one day i'll ask him out for a drink. He answered okay. (it could be for the sake of manners) I also told him that he could ask me out too, since the system has my number. He answered okay too. (might be out of being polite) At close range... his lips are pink. fresh pink and his face is so smooth. 

I hate that with everything that happens, it comes with two  sides of possibilities at least. Now i got his number and i don't know what to do with it. I did text him on that day itself though. Because he didn't tell me how many days i shouldn't wash my hair after the treatment. His phone was off at 8pm ish. So i guess he off his phone while at work. So i was right. At 10pm ish i receive a reply . "3 days"  just a "3 day". When i see an empty text like that i usually interpret it as, "that person is fucking not excited about texting me at all" then again that might be his style. He doesn't talk much anyway. 
I decide not to dwell in the guessing games. I told myself to be frank to everyone i've met . So that everyone doesn't waste time. So everytime i met a new person, I'll tell him that i am gay and I'm partially blind. Then if i wanna have sex with him i'll just tell him that i am interested and if he is okay with it we could proceed. If not then, just answer NO and we proceed as friends. There! everything is crisp clear. I don't need to guess ten thousand possibilities for every single thing he does. 
But with J i don't know what to do. Should i just let it be natural? Go through the process? I am not denying the magic in these games. The waiting joys. The guessing mysteries and all. I must say, what happened was fun and yes till now i am still smiling about it. There is a sheer joy in it.  That is how the world spins. 
I saw a movie the other day. "A LOT LIKE LOVE" yeah everything falls into the right  places but the game lasted for six years. 
Im not moody or sad or anything.  Part of why i thought of not going straight forward, be natural and be organic, is because  he is attached.  Then i was pondering on the "what Ifs" then the "possibilities". So if this is happening., and i choose the natural course, The last time i saw him was at the beginning of the year. Not saw but talk., actually talk. A significant moment with him i meant.  I see him all the time when i am there for my hair cut.  So in a year i only get to talk to him twice including the other day. I have known him for about 2 years ish. I only get to talk to him after 1 year. So everything is not moving very fast. You know what i mean? 
Imagine how many nights i have to pour cold water on my dick, to calm it down. 
Leave everything aside. I want him, at the same time i don't wanna spoil a relationship. Two actually. My friendship and his relationship.  Anyway, If anything is gonna happen, I don't wish this to be just a hook up  for this one. Lets see.. Lets see... Lets hope that i don't do anything stupid out of impulse. 

Friday, November 22, 2013


 My cousin sister ask me to make a farewell card for her colleague. So i attempted a Pop up card. It's a rollercoaster pop up card.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

When its unexpected.

We were drinking at this restaurant near my place. It's interesting when you are chatting with someone and he has a hard on. I was chatting with this friend and suddenly i can see a trail of meat pointing downwards in his pants. It was damm sexy, even though HE by person is  not that attractive. But when that happened it changes everything. He looks damm sexy from my side of the view. 
To think of it, i don't think many actually get to see a real hard dick in a pants like that. I mean yeah in porn or pictures in the internet, yes, but a real life one? I think i never really seen it.  Maybe i am always too excited every time to actually "SEE" anything when things like that happen. Usually, in seconds i am already on my knees!!! ..................(thanking god) lolzzz..

I don't know how? The next thing i realized my hand is already on his lap and my finger is scratching his penis head. Where we sat? it was quite dark and amazingly it's like that area is set for it to happen. As i scratch his penis head, we still talk like nothing is happening. I mean there is no acknowledgment on both sides. We just continue talking, but my hand is touching him. His pants then are getting wet from the over spilled of his pre cum. It gets quite intense that his head begin to throb. I don't know why both of us didn't go searching for a place to perform the deed. We just sat there and continue chatting. 
I can even feel his pulse when i rest my palm on his penis. After a while his head begins to swell. That means he is about to cum.  Immediately i start scratching  the top edge of his head. It was wet with pre cum that area, so it makes my  touch felt close to real. Suddenly..... pooff* he came and i could feel it shooting against his pants. I stared right into his eyes when that happens. He didn't even twitch a bit!!! but his penis was ejaculating out of control, like a machine gun. It was crazy hot when that happens. It felt so scandalous that i feel like we were two lusty blood hungry vampires starring at each other!!. 
 Then i open my mouth and ask him "can i suck you now?" He nodded and we went searching for a place. 
The thought of how he is able to be so calm above and yet at the same time down below it pulses like a worm on hot plate. It bloody drives me crazy. That was crazy crazy hot!!

Sunday, November 17, 2013


I met a guy the other day via Grindr. He is straight acting . Slim almost skinny. Small fine built and got a bloody huge fat trunk for a small guy like him. It's almost not proportionate if you ask me. All these turns me on big time. So with such attributes... looks doesn't matter anymore. I was excited. 
I can't wait to suck dry this guy. Until he told me that he is a bottom. Pure bottom. I never knew that a bottom doesn't need to be sucked. REALLY?? Really doesn't need to be sucked. I only does oral. i don't anal. He was disappointed. That's a big mystery to me. All these while i thought being suck is quite joyous. lolzz....  I don't get it that a guy doesn't needs a blowjob. To him, being suck is almost martian. I got to make him hard for seconds but he didn't came. No matter how i tried, because he felt weird seeing a guy sucking him. He was damm sweet though, when he is high he must hold hands. I didn't know that turns me on. lolzz..... Anyway Owh gosh....A guy doesn't need to be suck?  It's still a mystery to me.