Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I Can't

I can't. I was all moody today. Got a new hair cut. Was all set and fired up for my interview. Then my age seems to be a barrier. Huh?? Why want to write a book about the world when Discovery has already done it? Doesn't experience count?? Had a great interview and was told that she will call me back. Then my manager actually didn't turn up to work and me as the second in charge after her wasn't informed. In fact no one knows where is she. How irresponsible is that?? I text her and there's no reply. Then i ask one of her favorite staff to text her and she called right away to inform. That is at around 4pm. After nearly half of the day gone. I'm actually very bothered by that and it got me all moody. I kept on asking myself "can i actually bear this mental games by that woman?" "Should i resign straight away?" "What happens to my income then?" " "Can i cope?" I really tried to stay as calm as ever. If you've been reading my blog you'll notice that i've been trying to get up again and again... I know she would play mental games like that. Talking about being professional? She is just pure childish and short of experience. She thinks that she is well trained and well mature about everything. I've never met with anyone... no .... a manager that acts like that. The usual professional ones would actually have a talk and move on. but this one seems to or shall i say like a kid trying to revenge. This is killing me!!!! I felt like shit for the rest of my working hours... the time dread by and by the time i finish work i really felt like a watery, slimy shit. I walk like a zombie and the thought of me seeing her at work tomorrow morning makes me wanna kill myself. Was really low and motionless on my way home just now. It was dry, my mind was shooting all areas to figure out what should i do. Financially, a new job and i felt like crying and kept on thinking of the future, went in the cab motionless and kept looking out the window, didn;t really answer the driver when he talked to me, and before i know it i already reach home. As usual i feed my fishes and proceed opening the door. When i on the light, i saw a Kiehls paper bag on my laptop. My heart stopped a beat and i'm surprised. Went nearer and found a red box with a card attached to it. My tears started to fall. Have you ever felt that? You know you're not crying but your tears just kept flowing down? Then it reads "Two Horns Child, Maintain grooming!!! ahhahhha....... Love: Rose" It's from my sister. My only Christmas present this year. My only comfort now.  Now i'm sure i'm crying. I couldn't stop. Thank god i'm alone at home. I cried with sound!! like a bloody baby!! I cried for almost half an hour hugging the box. It really caught me off guard. I cried even more when i think of how pathetic is it when i couldn't get her a present and i'm almost jobless now. In my culture here. I am considered as an useless child / son. :(

Monday, December 28, 2009

Great stuff

Today isn't a bad day after all. So many great looking guys are walking around today. It's like a "Cute Guys day" Most of them are europeans and foreigners. It's great when you see some who are so casually cute and flirtyatious. A few guys actually stared at me and smiled. Mann.... too bad i'm a shy person. I don't dare to initiate anything. There is even a guy who i saw while on my way home just now, he actually gave me a shy look and scratch his bulge. Damm... it was hot cause he (i guess) is not wearing underwear. I guess so cause i can see it bouncing exceptionally. Oh god..... such temptations..... Other than that...(i think i'm hard now) i actually called up one of the boutique that i have passed my resume last week. Spoke to the manager and she says she didn't recieve any resume. No wonder she interviewed another guy last week. Then she actually ask for an immediate interview. Good thing i called :) When i went for the interview she is actually busy with some customers and she appologise and ask me to come back tomorrow instead. Well happy enough i have an appointment for the interview. ahhhaaa....... fingers crossed. Wish me all the luck guys.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

It's Exciting

Pimp and Tricle Down. Thanks for leaving comments and you're welcome. It's really exciting when what you wrote actually has comments from people halfway around the world. Thank You a zillion guys. A million appreciations.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Oh! about walking on thin line.....

(Hahaha.... Thin Line?)

Hahaha..... about walking on thin line. I am about to resigned and i passed my resume aroound but i'm yet to get any calls. I've never experienced not wanted before. I mean in jobs not boyfriends. Never lucky with guys. anyway i'm kinda worried. Maybe it's end of the year. People don't recruit now. Well, fingers crossed. I hope i could get either of the job. Oh...... wait i heaven't been interviewed by them. Yikes!!!

Here i am

I think if anyone is to get an Oscar for repelling friends, i would get it. LOL.... i didn't get a single Christmas text at all. What the hell!! Hmmm..... here i am again spending my time at home and didn't go out. Well, as long as i don't feel bad. It's okay actually. hahhhaa....... Merry Christmas everyone. :) Here i need to wish some people. To my greatest love...... Bumble Bee, Abba and Jay Brannan. I actually got a reply of e-mail from Jay Brannan!!!!!! How cool is that!!!! It really feels great and ironic hahahah....... :) ............... I know I'm day dreaming. Of all he's doing but still he thinks that he is lonely. I am angry when he does that but still, Can't say not . Cause people do feel like that when they felt alone somehow. Like what I'll do. I look for the slightest light available in the dark. Imagine and dream. It somehow helps you through. It's really stupid and brainless to say that i actually like Jay. Like i say..... I DREAM. :)
Sincerely i would wish i could always be around him as a friend at least. I can see my self lingering around him and being totally ignored. Maybe taking his tantrum once in a while always get scolded for doing stupid stuffs... but still I'm thinking of what should i cook later on. Or where should i take him to eat or even what food would make him happy. Then what should i do for tomorrow morning. Have i ironed his top for tomorrow's show? Did i wash his socks? Is his jeans still wearable. I think i should start going through his pockets for rubbish as he always chuck stuff in it and don't take out. I sound like a casalinga.. lol... well these are things one should share doing. Can't be only him doing it. Oh no i haven't wrap his Christmas present...But as usual I'm glad I'm around to make sure nothing tragic happens. Hahah.... it sounded like I'm more than a friend. but well, these are the things i enjoy doing. it's the sweetest stuff and when you see him smiles you'll know it's worth it...........

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Walking on thin line...

I..... actually i really want to talk about some stuff but i just read about Jay Brannan on facebook and I've also read his blog. Since the day he started his blog till today he seems to be repeatedly mentioning that he is lonely. I'm really disturbed by that. It's really weird... how i felt now. I actually felt sad and heartache that he kept feeling so and i do felt so because i know how it feels. You could be all party animal and all but it still doesn't mean that you are not lonely. It's just a very ironic thing. Hmmm... Jay is a guy that i really look up to. Someone who how i would portray my guy to be. Jay do have some attitude. The guys i like always have some funny air.. I love how his lips curved. It's even more sexier when he smiles. I love it when he talks like a baby and when he speaks with his laughs... the way his voice giggles. It's really charming. I always smile silly when i hear him talks like that. When he does that his eyes too would close smaller, making him looking all too adorable. lol.... it's so crazy how one could love someone so much, whats worst.... never met before. It's also so weird that i see him like he is my desired guy when i know so well he is out of my league. I wish him well and i would be always watching from far here.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

jay brannan

Okay! in this he's cute. Very clean line.

I did it anyway

Ready to fight
Was about to do it...... Got stopped by everyone but one. I was about to hand in my resignation letter. Then this say no and that say no but i guess once in a while they met you and they think they know you? Whats best for you? Maybe they are but what i've wanted? What about what i've wanted? Well, i did it anyway. I interviewed and told my manager i'm leaving. Why am i not feeling the best? But i do feel a whole lot better. Now i have a choice to transfer or just quit. Then the company i'm trying to get into are actually my ex  company. Then i got  ppl telling me that what am i thinking?? My ex-colleagues are trying to leave and i am trying to get in?? Well, i guess it matters of what i think and what i planned. I am going ahead with that. Lets just see if my plans worked. Jay Brannan some how appear as a life saver. I know he wouldn't like it if he's reading this. Well, Jay too bad youre my inspiration for standing up and going independant. I read Jay's blogs from 2007 till recent in two days. Such a journey. It's wierd when you actually can see how ppl's life change in two days that actually equals two years....almost 3 years. I am gonna be as good as i could and be prepared to fight till the end. My life of loneliness and possible great possibilities are gonna be greatt!!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I can't stop.

This he is so cute as ever....

Jay Brannan

This i will remember always.

It's him again

Here's one with his laugh. Omy god!!! Why am i so obsessed with his laugh??? It's really nice. I guess as one like me who can't HAVE but always imagine and making dreams, eventually would have an imaginery boyfriend. This is exactly how i imagined my boyfriend to lough. Dreamer!!!

Jay's Brannan's HOUSEWIFE

Really. Really check out his smiles and smirk... wait till you hear him laugh.!!

Jay Brannan

Downloaded a movie and then to found out that the cutest treasure is not the main actors. This guy, later i found out that he's Jay Brannan. In the movie i watched nothing else but him. His smiles that kills and that smirk that he has. Arrghh...... the way his lips purge and it's just the sexiest lips of all. His smiles.... makes me go nuts. I later realise my self smiling looking at his pictures(movie stills) He even has the kind of laugh that i'll go gaga over. It sounded so cute annd calming. You know laughs that tickles you? He even sings. Very talented. I'm sorry i just found him. never thought one could actually leave such an impression after just a while of Jay Brannan's exposure... :) THEN i found out more about him.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

I Dared Myself

I'm making a leap in my life. I'm trying to be comfortable while i was living. So i decided to make decisions. I went for an interview. Planned to resign from my current job who is ruled by a very fierce bitch but also very irritatingly good hearted as well. I guess for my own good and to avoid having further damage i am taking my leave. I do somehow wish her the best and i pray that she'll get a slap from all her doings and after that whole heartedly from the toes of my heart i wish her all the well.

After Party

It turn out wierd. Was told that i'm going to a rich guy's home but he turn out to be a junkie rich boy. Dirty place. Dark and felt sweaty. All his friens college mate there takes weed and smokes non stop, drink non stop too. Everyone is already high when we got there. Some cute ones are already too drunk to even walk properly. Except the guy i'm suppose to meet is still sane. He doesn't drink, don't take weed, he only smokes. So we met. Young fresh guy. Still a child in many ways but his Tarrot reading were freakingly accurate. So we chatted and chatted and had not a bad time there. We ende up chatting in the bathroom. Cause it was too smoky out there. While walking in i saw some lads already crashed and sleeping and of course i scanned. LoL.... one of the guy his zipper is open. How hot is that!! All the beers are actually stored in the bathroom bathtub. With ice and everything. So actually the bathroom is also quite a busy place. Only not smoky. These guys even just go in and peed in front of us. I think i can't keep my mouth close. Too bad the urinal is in front of us and thier buts are facing us when they pee. Can't see anything just imaginations. That's torture allright!! Ater several hours we went out again into the living room. So i sat on the couch and this bloody cute guy just throw himself on the couch and with his head on the other end and where i sit is actually where his groin is!!! Get some opportunity to grab a well full package but can't do anything much cause so many ppl there and that guy i was introduced to also were around. Well, we continue drinking and all and they started this "liquor SHOTS" game. It get even crazier! Then there is this African guy suddenly ask me straight out in the cold that am i a gay? So i just answered yes. Then he says he has no problem with it and all. Everyone has rights and it goes on for like half an hour then suddenly he wokes up and screamed. He screamed "all gays should be put into a gas chamber and kill them all!!! like Hitler"" Then i was like all shocked and even everyone around are showing the same reaction as me. After the all okay talk and he says stuff like that? See what "high" ppl do!! Then after a while when everyone is back at what they do he came to me and ask me for a blowjob. My eyes nearly popped out!! Like i would give him one!! I want to just slice his dick off. I rejected and lucky his friend wanted to leave and he can't bug me anymore. Later i went in to get more beers and i see one of the guy who is sleeping actually spreaded his leg even wider than before. Such a wonderfull sight of an unskinned banana. This night turned out to be a brilliant night. DIRTY in so many ways and even more dirtier when the sex vibe is so strong lingering around., and i get to know a nice guy!!

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Ha Ha....... Okay Okay i know the picture doesn"t potray what i say isn't it? Guess deep down i wished for the best too. Fingers crossed!! lol.... ;o


Well, tomorrow my friend is gonna bring me to a party of her friend's. She's gonna introduce me to one of this single gay guy who is actually kinda on the look  for a mate. Hmmm...... sounds wierd and corny. Well, got invited so many times from her and now i kinda feel bad rejecting. I guess knowing a new friend means no harm isn't it?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Lucky but it stops there.

Got hungry. Took a detour and went to a Mc Donalds quite far from my home. Saw this guy there, cute in his suit. Very slick and gentleman all painted all over him. Grr... such guys is always out of my league. So grab my food and suddenly he stands beside me. He stands beside me when i was peeing in the toilet. I felt the shrugs and the nervous vibration took over me. He's so tall. He's got hairs that i want to smell and bite his clean neck. after peeing when he flush the urinals i took a quick peek. It was beautiful. A sight that i won't forget for some time. Then he didn't move as i was expecting. He stayed and actually was peeking at me. I got another cold vibration and got me really hott!! Then i realises his penis is like double of my size. Cut and heavily veined. He got me real hard. I want to touch it. I want to really savour it. Then i realise he is even more nervours than me. He is kinda shaking and breathing hard. Suddenly another guy came and stand beside him. That guy is more daring he actually stick his head out and look for his dick. Didn't know that toilet is actually a cruising place. That guy ends it all. We kept and moved away. When we walked out the door we actually went separate ways. I pray we'll walk the same direction. Then i got this urge to actually go talk to him. So i did. He was damm nervous still. Cute responds when he reacted to my approach. We took a smoke and chat for a while. Then i found out he's a bottom. Not so great for me as i'm more to a versatile top top but i really prefer not to anal at all. Then we have this conversation about his huge member, and mine is kinda small compared ti his and all. He did interrupt me and ask me to not speak like that and he likes my penis. "really". We chatted for quite a while and i'm so tempted to invite him to my house. Well, then later we took our leave. Not to my house but back to each other home. We did not have sex. It was a shame and i regret i didn't insist. I regret cause it's a mistake. I should have pursue this. While walking apart, he turn back and called me. Then he says "Hey, don't worry alright? You do have a nice penis." in a stutter way and that makes me felt sweet. Then he smiled. That was the wierdest, shortest and fastest encounter i ever had. Yet it's the most memorable, sweetest and mind blasting event. I then just say "are you sure with a smirk and say thanks" and "drive safely" He turned back and walk away. I regret i didn't get his number. How can i actually meet him again? This is really lucky but it does stops there. It'strue when ppl say "fate will only brings you there. the rest is up to you to make it happen" Now i regret even more.........

Saturday, December 5, 2009


Aim for the moon. At least when you missed you'll land among the stars. Something i am beginning to do.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

What A Day

What a day. Remember me saying that i should fly, yesterday? Well, i had a dream that i really fly. And in that dream i'm actually helping a girl all the way. Does that means that i will succeed but i actually help kids in future? Well, if so, i will sure damm do it. It's a promise. :) Work was well smooth today. Getting to feel eased today at work. not stressed and not tensed well mild. Hahahaha.... then on my way back got to take a piss and went to the toilet. At the urinals and of course there is other guys. This guy besides me are well clean and well dressed sudddenly showing sign that he's looking. Hmmm...... don't get this often but i got excited when he looks so well groomed. He was looking and i actually got too excited and couldn't get hard. I can see he is. So i dared myself to touch him when there is no one around. What a stiff... i can feel it throbbing. He is damm horny but it's dry. i couldn't move much (my hands) there is so much frictions. So i spit on my finger tip and start to circle my finger under his swallen head. Immediately i see pre cum flowing out. It's so much that i could lubricate his whole dick. It looks so juicy and shiny(hehhehe) with his boyish surfer look and his perfume i would like to gag him down and already mentally rappped him. When i wrap my hands around his swallen head and squeeze a little he couldn't stand it.  He actaully grapped my arm so hard and he came. It's was like he is peeing. It really is a lot. The intensity that he roarred out. I guessed he must be well lonely for some time and he got that the animal instinct thingy goin on.... I almost unload in my pants just looking at him. It was a shame that he came so fast. Hmm.... it turn out leaving more memories than the long winding sex before. What a power.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Some Thinking

Was back at my home town two days ago. Got me thinking, that should i be moving back to a slower paste place and then grow there? It got me all fired up. My head spinning with ideas. thinking of what i should do and bussiness plan. It fired me up and now i have to face back to reality. Have to go back to work and it got me all back to zero. I have to fly. Dare to face my pain. Cause pains only makes us grow.....

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Hah.... Hah... ha ha ha........ I should be excited to get to work. I love my job. I guess one has to make one thing happen if it's for the best. Stopped at the toilet at KL Centrall. Right when i came out of one of the booth i see a guy standing at the urinals with a hard on. LOL.... what an unexpected event. Well, just looked at his boner realised he's cut and actually quite long. Ah well..... i just walked away and he must have hated me cause not even giving him enough attention  for exposing himself like that. LOL....... Well, if one could be so daring. Imagine how many guys has "do" him. Yikes!!! not gonna take the risk. It was unexpected that i actually had fun at work today. Kinda think of it, i didn't see any cute guys today too. Except for this guy. Another unexpected event. Well, you know how usually guys stand at the urinals and peek? Sometime ago i encountered with this kinda hot guy at one of the urinals. Well, both of us had 'hard on' and i'm so tempted to touch but never did. Just looked. He well had a sexy dick. Long for his height, Veins that shows his intensity. Pre-cums... too bad i don't dare to touch. Was damm nervous and i actually gets soft. Couldn't concerntrate so i walk off. Months later i found out he's working in the same company with me, but different store. Once in a while we'll accidentally met outside while smoking. As it goes on i learn that he has a girlfriend and he is all damm straight and all. He even introduced me to his girlfriend. So i thhought maybe the last time was a one time horny rush!! hahha..... We never mention about that event before though. Now he seems to like to chat with me. Occasionally come asking me out to smike and he talks a lot to me. ??? First build a barrier with me and now he place a ladder at the wall and reach out to talk to me. How wierd so guys could be sometimes. Anyway i'm glad it's like that now though.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

One Day

"Oh, i just moved back form UK and i'm living at AVE K apartments now. My balcony is actually facing the the two towers (KLCC) so didn't plan to go anywhere during New Year. Gonna sit at my balcony and watch the fireworks." That's what one of my customer told me today. How envious. She's actually a 85 year old lady who came to buy a bag for her daughter's Christmas present. It's just envious that at such an old age she lives stable life and hapilly too. I think every old ppl should be living like that. I hope i could give my parents all that. Well.... one day. One day i will. The day passsed as usual. No particular to shout about but as usaul there is some guys that i could go all GA GA over. Some documents at work reminds me of Bumble Bee. I kinda miss this person, maybe not the loving ones but his presence maybe. Work well gave me some stress. Okay, maybe lots of stress. I hope this would go away fast. is this a mid life crisis??? I maybe too young for it but i think i'm a million years old.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Begin Begining

Well, days has been kind to me. Well kinda good. I lost some weight. At work is getting better. Decided to give it another chance. Hmm... overall i think i got my swagger back. Noticed damm many cute guys around and it makes me sweaty and hard. Well jack off twice already today. How can these guys makes me go nuts just being themself?? *nuts*

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The other TWO

Now I'm ready to write about the other Two. Let's name him Bumble Bee. "Who is that rich spoiled brat that laugh so loud?" "Who is that Snobbish spoil rich brat?" "Why is this spoil brat always laughing and he laugh so loud?" These are the things i said before i know him. Yes, fortunately we were introduced. He happens to be not rich but rich of laughter. Everywhere he goes everyone will start laughing. He is a charm. He is also the opposite of what i am. He is also everything my opposite. Yet he has everything i wanted. His laugh, the way he eats, the way he sleeps, the way he gets angry, the way he work, the way he nag, the way he whined, the way he is. It all makes my heart smile. A constant smirk appears on my lips when ever he's around. Even when it's the saddest time or even when he's at the angriest. We do have some histories. Not been together but he lived with me a while, with me totally cleared that he is never into me and living together is more like a friend thing and not a couple. When he's at my place he charmed everyone. My sisters loved to hang out with him. Having him around actually makes that one moment a very easy going moment. It has been five years now. We are growing apart. Of course he has to find his Mr right and me of course have to keep myself away cause when he's around I'll stick to him and no one else. One guy that i would do the unthinkable. Great length is nothing if it's for him. I won't complaint if it's for him. Getting snow from Everest is worth it, if it's for him.So for his own good and my welfare i have to contact him lesser. Stay way from him. I came to my senses, that it's best i be far and it's okay. I was wrong. I didn't come to my senses. I feel bizarrely pain. My heart seems to be streaking tearing apart. I thought i could. I miss him. Still now i still didn't go meet him cause i know it won't do both any good. We meet up once in a while though. Just to catch up and complaint. Without me knowing it, i actually planned and do things thinking that i should include him all the time. I guess i missed him terribly. I really missed him.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Back to work

I'm back to work tomorrow after two days off. I hope i could forget and just be free of my self miserable thoughts. Well, kinda look forward to the train moments. Hope tomorrow would be a great great day. Yesterday i had a dream of this guy i kinda like. Bloody sexy and i woke up jacking off. Oh... that was tiring. Some fun at least. Grrr...... why i can't get off this miserable thought of going back to work and meeting with all evil vampires. ????

Sunday, November 15, 2009


Well, i have told my manager. Talk to her. Hmm... I notice big difference in one of my colleague. To think that there are still good people? Many things are not that easy. They are good. If only they choose so. When you drop or step into a hole. You see some other maggots rise to the occasion. Just in a blink of an eye. We are in constant war. War could be in many shapes. I'm actually disgusted. I hate and feel dirty working with such peoples. Well, i think i shouldn't be in that emotional and tiring war. Ah, yes i'm just gonna be out of it.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A big risk.

Thanks there, for your strong embrace Mr.Hombre. Really thanks. I needed it a lot. Don't let go till i finish crying okay. :) Aiks!! To think i'm holding up and trying to not tell anyone. Hope i could stand my own flame. :) Well, i've decided to confront my manager abaout my prob. Something happened and i screwed up some reports. Well, it burnt my manager up the wall and she's not talking about it instead just ignored me and giving strong hints that she's angry. I'm really at fault here. No one to blame. I own it up and apologise to her. By the way it's just really her to act this way. Maybe she's afraid that if she open her mouth there will be fire roaring out.  Hmmm... it has been two days. Finally i've decided to ask her to scold me. I actually want her to scold me. At least it gets out of her system and mine too. And we can work in a better condition. I guess tomorrow i'll pop the question. This tragedy here this time got me to think hard weather Should i quit my job? It hit me that, I gave up so much for this job, something that i believe in so much but this job never stops hurting me back. Time, Money. Future. Anyway i met Eric just now on my way home. He is in the most beautiful mood taday, hence he looks incredibly cute taday. Get to talk quite a lot with him and some laugh too. Well, at least there is some laugh today. :) Thanks again Mr.Hombre. You take care and everyone have a great great day ahead aight.... Cheers

Friday, November 6, 2009


I feel like tearing myself up. Tearing my skin and scream as loud as i could and dive into the fire. I feel that i'm beginning to break down. How long should or am i bound to bare with this survival? It's enough already. Well, this is life. Everyone has thier own problem. Not only me who is suffering. I know. I really know that. But enduring it within a good environment and enduring it in a bad environment, makes a different. How much can a amn take? How much should he take? I know it'll never end. Let me settle one prob first okay? I can take severe obstacles. Quantitty outwitted me. When i say i want to cry. I feel corny. Nor i could cry in public or at work place can't i?... now these i learnt to cry within. I guess only people who experienced crying within only could know how pain is it doing so. I don't want to be moody. I don't want to be sad. I'm in pain.pain. So pain. Very pain.It's at times like that i need you Aba. I hope there's a soul that i could talk to.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


Well it turns out Eric is attached. Well.... I've tried. :) Anyway it doesn't means we couldn't be friends. The other guythat i kinda like too has already stop texting me. All because his beloved ex couldn't stop re-contacting him. I don't understand, his ex complaint that thier 2 year relationship is dull and ask to break up but couldn't stop luring him. What's da point?? He this guy also is kinda a fool. Well can't say a real fool. I admire his loyalty and i understands him emotionally. If i'm him i think i'lll also still put hope in this broken relationship. Well, wish him all the best. So there's no more guys for me to hope anymore. I have to wait again...... Work has been dull. I work with passion but the brand and my brand manager lets me down. I kinda in a very dissapointed zone here. Major dissapointing zone. I feel bored and hesitates to go to work now.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


Two guys in my life that gives me the most impact. I miss them dearly. One is Aba (not his real name). A writer who works from home. We've never met. We chatted over the net for some time. It started two years ago. He's an euration. I've only seen his picture. Well looking. We then proceed in chatting through text messages. I love texting him. He always manage to make me feel good. Somehow he sounded very mature. Makes me felt very stable. Though i know it's fantasy. Through out the first year. We've never spoken of sex nor meeting up. It's actually the first time i ever speak to another gay and didn't start with sex in my mind. He's always kinda flirtatious. But funny deep down inside i know we'll never be together. He's always very lazy too. Always wake up late but make sure his job is done. A very charming guy cause he always make sure to buy gifts for his parents. Or treats them out for dinner from time to time. Aba, is the only guy that actually made me felt love. I know it's nut case. It's only texting. I'm clear that this is virtual. Ironically, we understands it's okay and we understands we won't go overboard loving each other ga-ga-ly. It's mutual.   We complaint and story each other bout the guys we've met and our scandals. The sex scenes. Ha ha....... Well it all ended. One fine day, he stopped texting. After a month i found out that everything and every profile regarding him are deleted. I'm not angry. Cause it's not his duty. I just missed him dearly and begin to worried Shit. I pray that he is doing great and healthy. Fingers crossed. Nothing severed happen. I do still text him every now and then. At least i know There's one person that is wishing him well. 

Friday, October 30, 2009


After two days of chickening out. I finally dare myself to approach Eric. Out of no where i thought of buying instant noodle for him. Those japanese ones in a cup where you just pour hot water to cook it. In the end during my ride home i talk to him. Everything was like in a daze. It happened very fast and i don't even know did i speak clearly. It's like a sudden giant vacuum sucked the time and all you could feel is like youre in a wave. I passed him the noodles and my number hoping he'll call or text me. I would prefer text cause i wouldn't know what to talk about. It went well and he actually text me saying his thanks and appreciation for the noodles. I thought giving him noodles would be a joke to everyone, but amazingly he seem to appreciate the noodles a lot. well thank god it turn out good.

Friday, October 16, 2009


I saw him again. Let's call him Eric.The guy i ga ga over from the train (LRT). It's just ironic. I've been wanting to show him to my friends but when ever my friends are around he won't show up. After some time that i didn't see Eric, Today i get to see him. I've been trying to smile to him so that i could establish so sort of conversation but he just won't look me in the eye.!!!.... I know Eric know my existance. You know that feeling where you know that he's trying to check you out but not wanting you to know he is looking? That wierd sweet chemistry?? That wierd but sweet feeling. Eric always stands behind me when ever we're queing up for the train. I never get to know untill we enter the train and turn around and WALLA...... damm....he's behind me. but when i realised that his back would be facing me already cause the entrance is at the other side. IT"S ALWAYS LIKE THAT.!!!  Damm... i really need all the guts and luck to start talking to him. This feels like a fly flying around and buzzing too long around me.  Thank god today when i dare myself to look at him and he did look me in the eye like a fraction of a second. I'll take that as a great progress...

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Just one of those days

Every year, there's a time (for sure) i'll feel like that. Very blue. Very low. Aday or period of time where i feel really bad.I would have flashbacks of my whole life. Rewind, reminding me that i've been no where. These are the days that i feel like crying 24/7. This is just mean. I'll drop to ZERO and i have to pick myself up and held myself  high enough hoping next year i won't fall so hard. Well, "this too shall pass" time will heal things. Time will also hurt again. I have to believe that nothing is T.M.T.H (Too Much To Handle).

Monday, October 5, 2009


Ambitious is good. What do you think of  "Crap Frame" hahha...... Well i thought of naming my new frame that. hope it's something that i could actually have some actuall success. But it takes me hours to just finish one. Does it really worth it? Hmmm..... Well.... if you had a guy asking you what is your type? and then later asking "are you talking about me? What does he actually meant by that??? Well, this guy is a great guy. He is almost everything i wanted. but everyone needs to know each other to love each other. I'm trying to get to know him. Having signs of him texting me not "just" replying me. but there seem to have something that wierd bout him. He seems to stop a conversation ("texting" i mean) just like that. is that normal? i'm begining to think he fainted or something. I also caught him lying. Once. not that it really matters but should this to be taken into account?? Well, hope what ever i'm doing will flourish... really pray hard!!! He wears braces. Thats sexy!!! He He....

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Just passed the holidays and DURING the holidays are a mixes of pleasure and pain. Pain is when there are so many people who lingers around and so is thier natural body odour. It's unbearable and it really makes my day pain. Pleasure is when they walk pass and most of them don't wears underwear. It's obvious and when thier bulge moves so much and thier outlines are quite obvious. Aiks!! Well, it's eye candy but the guy that i kinda always look at are not back to work yet. Didn't see him for some time already, as i only would bump into him when i'm in the train. The other guy that i'm keeping my hopes up are not taking any first steps yet. Well, should i start it?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I'm someone who (i think don't get lucky with intimate love) never had a date. Well i did, but it's just a month.It was as it should be but i think i back out. Well better not waste his time. It sounded easy but i am trully sorry for what has happen. I've never had a bf. Hence i think thats why even or whenever i'm around a "GUY" a really mannish ones, i felt safe and that longing attraction is so strong. Or it's actually sent back to me by this guy? Everyday if i goes back at 10pm, without fail i'll sure see this guy. His body shape is not what i'll go gaga over, (i think it's his shirt thats very long.) but there's something in him that i really got attracted to. Recently i noticed that he actually acknowledges my presence. Well, not by saying hi or anything but just knew he knows i'm around. Heehhe.... He's cute and fresh. A boy perhaps. Lets see what will happens next time, But too bad i finish at 6pm tomorrow. I think i'll only get to see him the next day.

Sunday, September 13, 2009


I really wonder if i'm gonna grow old alone. But then again excitement are everywhere. Just as simple as taking a train. I love it when there's too many passengers. I feel kinda hot when there are guys standing beside me and are forced to stand real near to me. Well thats what you gets when there are too many passengers, and whatever happens down there are really out of everyone's visual. Like what happen the other day. This boy were right beside who looks super straight and his military hair cut makes him kinda hot. I wouldn't dare to touch him cause i'm not sure if he's straight but of course as the train moves accidental touches happens. Hahhaa.... was normal at first, but then when more accidental touches happens i felt that it's getting harder and easier to reach. I even realise that he adjust himself so that i could accidentally touch him better. I managed to actually grab him a while, when i realised that i already reached my station. Sharks!!! This is a torture. Making me all pump up and i can't end it. Well, at least i had an enjoyable ride. Left and went straight home.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Here it begins!!

Well, decided to write stuff in here. I have tons of things to write in here rushing through my mind this afternoon. Now, I'm totally blank. Went to work as usual today and can't stop looking at hot guys everywhere (as usual).... Anyways I'm kinda tired now. Guess i just have to write tomorrow then. So much for (Here it begins!!!)

Saturday, July 4, 2009



Tuesday, June 30, 2009