Somehow this guy caught my attention. The most brilliant smile and that whole face just light up when ever he smiles. Hahhha... i'm blushing and felt like puppy love. This is embarrassing. Couldn't get a proper picture of him. Try to download his movies and watch him light up your day.
The last time i remember , no matter where you go you actually need to be respectful. Regardless of age and actually mutual respect keeps a group going. I seriously cannot believe that both of my sister's Boy Friends doesn't wash their dishes. Am i born in the wrong era or they are just being a typical male?? I don't think males are like that. Unless they are from the Genghis Khan??? This is such an insult and i seriously don't understand big time!!! To them, my sisters are suppose to do it for them. Whattt???? They are not guest! Guest comes here once a year, not everyday. This is ridiculous. I do dishes. I clean the house. In fact i do most of the cleaning in this house. That makes me a what? I'm about to burst or maybe i already mentally shove the dishes to their head. Grrrr........ anyway i left their dishes aside when i wash the dishes just now. I'm sending a loud message. I just don't get it!! Shaking my head... (not that one.. it's the one with the brain)
Ahh.... woke up kinda late today and have to rush to work. Not many ppl lining up today at the train station. Maybe that explains why is the road are all so jammed. My manager today is really in a great mood. Didn't give me a hard time and that's how i would prefer to spend my last days there. Today is seriously bored at work though. Nothing to see, I guess the cute guys are all on leave today. LOL.... So got back at 7pm today as some last minutes customers dragged my time. so rushed to the train and hope to catch an early train but it did not. It got delayed. *^%#@*^&% Finally when the train arrives i get to stand beside the cutest guy ever!!! I guess its his eyes that makes me kept starring at him. So the train was full of people. It was well pack. This guy that stands in front of the cute guy, actually carries a laptop bag and he pushed it to his bag hence his laptop bag was right in front of this guy's bulge!!!!! So i was faking my sleep in there and had my head face down. But actually i was looking at his bulge. As the train moves i notice that guy's laptop kept brushing this guy's bulge and "the" bulge actually gets bigger. It was well hot and i was out of breath, cause i was so near to wonders and i can't even touch it. All i have to do is just lift up my fingers and i could touch his bulge already. Yes, it's that near. In a way i felt pity for him because he has no where to turn to it was so packed that he sort of being trapped there, . LOL.... like being molested with his body tied up. You should see his face. It's like he is being blown, and he has this breathless expression that makes me go crazy. I wonder did he actually cummed or not? ;)
It was well quiet today. Sundays in my country is always very peaceful. But it's the opposite when it's afternoon. People starts to come out and enjoy their holiday. I always have thought being alone during your holidays is the best of all. Quiet and can sleep The whole day. Lol.... Well but today i have to work. Today at work was well bored but thank god there are many tourist to look at walking pass my boutique. There are always many to see when all the Europeans or the middle eastern on vacations, Australians, Americans, Chinese, Japanese...and err many more. Got a call from someone i didn't know i missed. A guy that i once hurt before. I never meant to hurt him. I should apologize to him. Then again he reminds me of some wonderful times. Hehehehe.......
Today has been a mixes of emotions hence it's like a cocktail of life. There i was worried of my manager. Just got to know two of my friends has just resigned and when i'm at my new job, i'm practically alone. Does this means i am really getting a fresh start? Maybe it's good. Good for me. :) Though i strongly will miss them. The guy i met yesterday? I text him this after noon apologizing to him about the "situation" yesterday. He just replied
" please don't apologize for things that are not my fault" Well, i thanked him for being understanding, and life goes on. It was a fairly good day but kinda started a bit gloomy. Then.... i think i'm a slut. Looking at cute guys actually makes me feel kinda good. Is there a treatment that they actually make many many cute guys walk in front of you and let us mentally strip them? Then it actually takes our troubles away and feel good. Aiks!!! LOL!!!
Why is it so difficult that i just want a pleasant man in my life?? From an angel I've decided to settle with a commoner. All i wanted is just a man that i could put up with. Pleasant looking and not sissy. Why? I could see these gay guys all over the streets. All that I've wanted and everywhere and all my friends friend. It's just so common. All the qualities that i wanted is just common. Why is it just not happening for me? It's not just not hurting me. When the moment happens it actually hurts two person at once. I'm sorry at what happened earlier. I really do not know how to react at such moments or situations. How am i gonna say i'm not interested at him? It's just gonna hurt another person.
It's really sad. Really sad. I felt like crying. It was so wonderful. Everything is just where it should be. That's also why i kinda hesitate to meet up. Because through experience, these stuff always turns out kinda bad. Everything is the opposite. All the nice gestures and everything just don't turn out as it is. He is sissier than he say he is. He is sissy actually. Totally not my type and kinda think of it , i actually rejected him before. That means he doesn't remember that he chat with me before. This is the sad part. I actually wanna .... sort of just retire and settle. I'm tired of searching so i kinda be careful with this one. It turn out pleasant and everything i like but when we meet up. He is like the total opposite of everything I've ever thought of. His way of speaking and the way he moves his hands are just too androgynous. Why it just has to always ends up like that. Now i don't know how to reject him. I just felt so sorry and i'm just so sorry for the situation. Now i don't know how to be frank to him.
IRC... that's where i recently chat with a guy named Dave. I'm afraid. i'm meeting him up tomorrow. You know when everything is so perfect? His voice sounds nice. His personality seem good. He is very educated and gentlemen. You know when you finally meet up? It could totally spoils everything. This is sad. I kinda don't feel like meeting up. I know it's not healthy to be living in fantasies. It's like a beautiful dream. But then again it may turn out perfect instead of an ending.... Arrrghh......
My manager Launched "the cold war" finally. Imagine a cold war at work. How childish. I never thought it has to come to this. Well, i kinda predict it. I'm sick of thinking about this set back in my life. Everyday before i goes to work i have to mentally prepare myself. Anyway i'm gonna leave it aside.
Getting off work is my favorite moment now. Everything seems to move in a slow motion once i clock out. I enjoy the moment of me walking to the train station. Seeing everyone who is rushing back or just trying to make their way else where really makes me felt peace. People talking on phones. People laughing . People holding hands. People dreaming. People stressing. I wish i could watch all this while drinking coffee. When i finally gets in the train it was like a sardines of people. I in my little brain are actually enjoying being squash by some cute guy behind me or my thigh squashing against some guys groins. lol.... such a whore.
Okay after a bad episode this afternoon i kinda cool off a bit and just as i thought of this guy called Alias, he appeared walking pass in front of my boutique. He is the cutest ever. Hahaha.... This guy i would always remember him because he is the exact identical of Bumble Bee. I really can't believe he resembles Bumble Bee that much. His attitude, actions, the way he talks and everything is so him. Prrr.... Alias is actually straight. He has a girlfriend and so is Bumble Bee when we met. Somehow Alias is also showing the same symptoms as Bumble Bee when the first time i saw him. I had the feeling that this guy could be made gay. :) somehow i kinda don't want to "spoil" Alias as he has a Girlfriend and i felt guilty. But he always talks to me in a different way. Like I'm his boyfriend or something. Not in a obvious way but there is the cute sad face and there is the lips purging, and there is the messing my hair thingy. How can i resist that!!? Suddenly he showed up again in front of my boutique. We chat and he talks to me in the most darling way complaining that he is tired. Awww..... i felt like kissing him that instance. Hahaha... but well that was well entertaining. He somehow always enjoyed my company. He likes to ask me out for a smoking break and he always talks to me in a very cute way without he himself noticing it. Well... this is interesting, lets see what will happens in future.
Woke up kinda late today and went to work by cab. Was feeling quite good till i reach work and my manager was there. Suppose she is at another shop today. :( Then i questioned her about some stuff and she ask me to call the Human Resource department to find out my self. I called and i found out that i actually don't need to tender my resignation letter. I actually requested to be transfered to another brand. My manager told me that i must tender a resignation letter and serve a one month notice. In-fact I've already requested on January. When she mentioned about the letter was beginning of February and she ask to Date my resignation letter on 1st March and that means i only could leave end of March. Already i kept quiet about the delay and now i found out that i actually don't even need to tender a letter. That means i'm am doing her a very big favor as she can't actually find a replacement. Yet she still treats me like i'm a stranger, or a ghost in the store. I hate such act. How old is she? I can't stand it. She is acting like a kid. Talking about professionalism. My ass!!
In the midst of all my problem's and the never ending problems that arise through out my living days, YES i do reach out at every opportunity i have. I'm not really all that sad in real life. I guess it's because i never show one bit of sadness in reality and in virtual i pour it all out. well, i guess this also how one would really know one person's true self. Maybe. Got really excited at work today cause it's Oscar the next day. I take off every year on this day. Oscar really boost my energy a lot. I guess watching people's success would actually makes you wanna achieve something in life. Well then got a text from Bumble Bee... he is going to resign and work in Singapore. It means he will be in the neighbor country and i really can't see him anymore till the next time he comes back again for holidays. He who i knows we will never get together and who i also loves dearly would actually be very far from me. It gives me a little panic attack. I worry of his safety. He who always likes people to prepares everything for him and he who is still a kid in so many ways would actually be living alone. It's so strange and I'm bloody afraid that he might be scared over there. It really felt like you permitting your child to move out the first time. What if he felt lonely? Who is there to cheer him up? He is so used to computers before sleep, and he doesn't have one when he is there. He who always needs to change his toothbrush every two months. Does he even know he has to prepare so many little things like bed sheets, food. He who drinks a lot of water, who is there to prepare for him? and he likes them cold. Does he knows he has to buy toilet rolls? OMG this is freaking me out!!! Though i really let him be by himself but from time to time i check. Least he is near. Now he is far and i don't know how. I hate to see him go sad. His puppy eyes really makes me cry. I am really worried that there will be no one there to comfort him when he really needs it. He is like a fragile piece of jewel to me. I'm always afraid to hurt him. I always hate to smear it. I look at him when he is asleep and i love smelling his forehead when he is asleep. I always will make sure i kiss and brush his forehead while he is sleeping so that he felt safe and then i goes to bed. I always will make sure the room is cold enough for him to sleep or makes sure he is properly covered during the rainy days. I always tells him good night before i sleep (he is asleep of course), my words would always be "Good night stupid boy" and i never sleep before he sleeps. Didn't realize i have been doing that for the past 6 years already. I wish him all the best. You be good and really take care of yourself aight?
I have to say, I do long for a hand to hold me over my chest and hold me tight. Many do say, why am i always single? is this a choice or should i say it's wise waiting the right one? when i say waiting i don't mean just stood there in wonderland and wait for my prince to whiff me off. It just mean i just don't want to get into ten thousand relationships before i decide the one. Still till today i kinda don't get very much attention. Hmmm....
I have tons to say. Recently i kinda felt i should be at peace but i can't. I have tons of things to think of. Plans and ways to reconstruct my life. I want to do wonders. I want my parents to be proud. What it takes for someone to change the world? I really want to do something to change the world so that i can see the world in a beautiful way. Everything is just so fragile. Easy to fall and break. Somehow i feel why only the riches could see the world in a beautiful way? They can travel. They can avoid traffic. They can shop like in the movies. They can offer the poor comfort. They can do what they want.Maybe even buy love!! Can't they? Realistically speaking, Money are kinda everything. You wanna go out and find a guy? You need money to buy a drink. I'm not looking 'money' in a bad way it's just a simple truth. This simple truth actually makes many struggles isn't it? Struggling to struggle. Just try to comfort everyone you see people. I think a little comfort will make someone fight harder.