Hey guys i just made this note book. Did it from scratch. I sew the pages myself. then the cover and the accessories. Two days period. If you see it, i mean it's obviously for girls but would you even want to pay for it? What you think? Would appreciate some opinion..Thanks a million.
I found a guy who wants to be romanced by a man "just" because he wants to feels how a woman feels like while sex, but he is straight. "Ting!!" "Ting!!" Yeah...putting himself in the state of possibly how his woman feels like while romancing him, turns him on. Really such a revolution. Why do i kept smiling yeah? Wink*
Suddenly I really want to learn French..it's just so sexy.
Ps: I may sound quite excited about it (don't know why?) But i am really not. I actually kinda fels quite blank cause i really don't know how to place this "new" ..."matter"
It's so quiet now. Wow..it is really quiet. Anyway i talked to a guy in the park the other day. Was smoking there at night. Kinda always loved to sit there alone and have a smoke. I went there after meeting my friend. Was quite frustrated cause he is really an ass hole. I despise guys who never wants to level down a little percentage of ego to apologize. I have zero respect for guys like that. Then a guy who i thought was a beggar who is lying down two bench away said excuse me. Then ask for a cigarette. So i pass it to him and he sat down beside me. His feet smells like my dog's three weeks wee pad. I said nothing to be polite but he apologizes and explain that he was walking in his shoes the whole day and he just changed it to his sandals. Then he says he is going back tomorrow but didn't want to spend on Hotels. So he can't wash. Hmm...i smiled and said it's not bothering me.
We then continue to chat for like hours. It's like talking to a wise men. His words calms me down. Something he said that's enlightening.... ... Eliminate anger and problem thoughts in seconds. Always think of solutions instead of dwelling on the problems.
Was reading the blog that little Tuls was introducing. The first post touches a little on approaching guys. Well...it reminded me on my very first approach. I basically only ever approach once. Well not included the ones when i am drunk. Those cannot be included cause i am a seductive slut when i am drunk. Che Wahh!! Lol.... hmm... no really.i am like another person when i am wasted. That slut will never appear again , cause i have stop drinking due to my eyes condition. Anyway about the one and only approach..took me a month to gain the courage to do it. My plan was to give him a gift and leave my number in the bag. So i did practice what i would say to him. I was gonna introduce myself and then tell him that my number is in the bag, hope to receive his text. (that way i alleviate the awkward moment of asking his number)
So on the big day...as usual i pray to see him appear at the LRT. Kinda waited when he arrives then only i get into the LRT. My Que was to approach him when he goes out at his stop. So when he walks out i went out too. Pat his shoulder and shove him the gift in a bag. Was too nervous...suppose to say "Hi" first but i didn't and i shove the bag instead of smile and slow motion passing him the bag..with some little soft chill breeze. Failed!!1but i did get to convey whatever i wanted to convey. Just not that elegant as planned. Hahah...Owh guess what gift that i bought for him??? It's two cup noodles. Kakaaakakaka... but i really meant to give him that ...cause somehow i feels that he is lonely and living alone far away from pals and family. So a warm cup of noodles would actually warms everything up.
Hah!! hmm.. it's hot and superbly hot. I went out to my garden to drink a cup of coffee. Then can't bare looking at the plants that looks rather dry. So i start watering them. Half an hour out in my garden and my T's color gone darker from my shoulder till the middle of my shorts. It's soaking wet with my sweat..it's like i water myself when i did to the plants. Lolz..... Then my sis came with a news. She is pregnant. I went quiet. simply because she has been warned before this. She shouldn't be pregnant cause we haven't gone through any ceremony on our side yet. One ceremony has been done on her husbands side (a Muslim) and they can't wait to hump and now asking us questions like "is the ceremony more important than the mother and the baby? Well the question is not about them but u have been warned not to do it but u just can't wait to reproduce. How selfish.
After all these... i guess what i wanted most is that i wish i could do it again. I wish i would be able to do it all over again.. Not to Bumble Bee of course. The next person i am gonna love. The next soul or whoever i am gonna be with. Sometimes i do think that i am weird, because i actually wish that i could serve someone again.lolz...and all i ever wanted back in return is someone to hold me at night. A strong hug at night while i am sleeping. Just so that i could feel safe. Someone who would hugs me so tight so that i would never ever felt that i am falling. So tight that i could feel that my feet is actually connected to the ground. So tight that i would realize that i actually existed. I am so crazy that one night i find my self wondering that is there such thing as "Comfort for rent?"
It's in one of these lunch time at work at Kim Gary. "HA HA HA HA HA" I never stops listening to this laugh from the other end. Bloody annoying!! Then when i am having dinner there after work....after i made my order and when i am about to light my cigarette..."HA HA HA HA" that bloody laugh again. I swear i never rolled my eyes with such enthusiasm before. I hate it so much and i begin to imagine he must have been a useless rich kid boasting and flaunting with his friends. I saw his face this time and it definitely looks like what i thought. He is not in uniform any uniform and he is with a bunch of college friends. Looks exactly like a rich kid who doesn't needs to worry of the end of the world and laughs really LOUD!!! I actually have to put up with his laugh almost every day at Kim Gary. I begin to hate him so much. Ishh.... after lunch one day.....while at work my area manager came.... introducing him to me. He is hired for work at my place. Of all people. It has to be The HA HA boy!!! Well then... thank god i wasn't the store head at that time...so i don't have to do much with him...just being a fake nice colleague.
At that time, most of my colleague likes to have drinks after work or sometimes.. hit the clubs... my home was just walking distance from the mall where i work and great enough the place everyone hangs out are also around my home. The Ha..Ha...boy also lives nearby but my home is actually nearer. So guess what? He likes to crash at my house. I was renting of course there are no other place for him to sleep but beside me. Hmmphh...thank god he doesn't laugh while sleeping.. Then one night we had sex...cause we were super drunk
Months passed and he practically lived with me already, cause we hangs out in the same group. I begin to helps him to monitor his comforter when it's cold at night. He usually gets the mosquito bites..then i find myself begin to prepare repellent for him..then without me knowing it i begin to prepare meals for him..well it's take out but i always make sure he has something to eat. Any outing are without question i would automatically count him in and he would do the same. I realized that i begin to be protective of him. Now every night i would sweep his hair then smell and kiss his forehead and actually called him stupid boy before i sleep. I always make sure he sleeps before me that's why i could do that....I thought we were very casual. I never thought that as time goes by i am falling in love But i have never mentioned it. In fact "WE" never mentioned it. Through out the journeys we always discuss or chat about other guys. Cute guys and who ever he meets.
It never sinks in till one day i realize a guy starts giving him gifts. This guy who is actually a friend of the tenant's downstairs. He came just to crash for a few weeks. I remembered that one day...he sat in front of me and kinda tells me in sort of a guilty manner that he is going out with the guy downstairs for a drink. Then i begin to feel the streaking pain in my chest. Then shockingly it came out from my mouth. "Please don't do this, you know i love you. This guy is just downstairs, it hurts and you are doing it in my home" He then hugs me...when he did i started wiping off my tears. I am not crying but my tears are overflowing. Then suddenly...he freaked out..... "Where is my ring?" he asked.... (the gold ring that the guy down stairs gave him.) it was funny though...my reactions is to search for the ring right away...never found it though. Well then i let him go as i thought we were never really in "agreement" to be exclusive before. He and that guy never worked out though.
After that we kinda still maintain the "casual" thingy for a few more years. We were together when i moved from Sunway to Damansara then to Subang and till i bought my first home in Subang. Through out the years i on my part gone to the extreme length just to see him feel pleasant around me. That worry free look of his are really a priceless sight. Suddenly helping him to do all the petty stuff even like taking a glass of water seems so nice. It's at these time too he fell in love with a guy from...err...can't remember but it didn't work out after a year. It was at Damansara where he got a soft toy from IKEA. A dog... light brown and he decided to name it Bumble Bee. So weird...known him for years and suddenly he sleeps hugging a soft toy.
Well...as it goes on he starts to be close to my family members and he even becomes my mom's god son. It's really sweet when you hear your family members talking about the guy you love. We always cannot get much far away from each other. When i got transferred to Mid Valley he did too and then when we resigned we too got offered into the same boutique at KLCC. Then one day he decided to resign and work at Pavillion. That's when he decides to go home.
So that's when we never really see each other any more but we still do hangs out at clubs together. Then after a year he decided to work in Singapore...I just got worried spelled out of my face when i heard that. Who will prepare his meals? who does his laundries? Mosquitoes? What if when it's cold? Who makes sure he is okay when he is drunk? Who could he ask for help when he is in trouble in the land of strangers? But I never really came to contact him though cause my sis chats with him through Facebook. So i still could keep track that way. Two years after hat, i got a little traumatic when i hear he is going to continue his studies at Australia.There is where he is now. doing fine but it still worries me lots, cause he is practically alone.
I am okay and am getting use to it..till recently i attached an old friends wedding. He couldn't attend. That's a bnummer . Then one of my friend skype him through out the whole sessions. i felt a bit sad cause he was there alone in his tiny room and we here are all surrounded by friends. The only comforting thing is that he has gained weight. A good sign. Then i felt even a tighter squeeze in my chest when i went home after the wedding the next day...to my hometown and saw my mom made a collage of her beloved cute children with his pictures in it too. Hwuuaoooaaahhh. I guess i never stops loving him. I missed him then at the same time i don't mind him having a new happy relationship. I just felt that i should be around, a within reach distances just to make sure he is alright. I always wonder what kind of love that i have for him? Not a bf love love but it's just plain love.