WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BOOZY SMOKY DREAMY NIGHTS?

Was watching this short film from you tube and this guy made a statement. " People still smokes these days?" Im quite surprise that it has come to this. Im 70%GLAD and 30% still feel wanna cheat sometime.

I quit smoking and smokes socially. I know the "thing" now is vaping. (The ever so pungent smokes that destroys every existing perfume)

Well, all i really wanted was to spend a night with a sexy guy (of my definition) (usually skinny weak guys) just casually smoking (not CF) and gradually get wasted. Drinking + smoking + good conversations + good sex (this would be bonus) Spending the night away without any restrictions on conversations, a little blowjob, a little bit drunk, a little bit emotional, a little bit wild. a little bit naughty, plus 30% sober.  These are really the good sessions that i've missed so much. I really have a hard time being able to get back such moments. Believe it or not... the best time ive had was with just booze ciggy and great conversations.

Everyone i met these days are just not like these. Where i work. My colleagues are all malays. Im the only chinese. They smoke but they don't drink. Most guys i met online or Grindr or Blued are all the same. Drink but dont smoke. Smoke but dont drink. or JUST VAPE.

Really missed the cool or what i call cool chill night.

HOW?

What should i do?

This ONS guy is damm sexy. he is not handsome but he is damm sexy. I can lick off his pre cum from his penis slit and immediately his pre cum comes out again. its mind bothering... how fast his pre cum cums out. Then when i lick again, his penis would pulse once. It's like you reloading a machine gun. you can see his foreskin tightens, his head pulls back a little and and his veins. Nearly fainted.

He is not good looking but i can accept .Itt doesnt matter actually. I already consume every inch of his body. Only thing that i dont like is that when he smiles he doesnt look nice. You know like Andrew Garfield? when he smile, all his good looks go away.

The biggest miracle is the fact that his penis is still rock hard after he sees me naked. PLUS The weather was hot and im all sweaty like a pig. He miraculously still hugs me and cant stop smelling my face. He cuddles non stop. Really awesome. Really really awesome.

He is damm discreet and super shy. So i cant contact him much. i thought i wanna leave it be. Leave it as one of my super hot ONE NIGHT STAND. But i cant. He is too hot to be forgotten. There was this one moment where i was looking down from above to his penis. my face was beside his face and when i looked down. my vision has to pass through his six pack and to his beautiful penis. I never thought he was packing so many packs!!! I was In awe.
In awe and when he was about to cum...??? That perfect beautiful sight was addictive.

The second time happened while i was in the midst of writing this post. Havent even post this first post and second time already happen. We rented a room. It was crazier this time.

He is quite discreet. He gave me a feeling that he would back out if i text him too much. But at the same time i am afraid that im letting a chance go. So TORN. Im so Torn... He left me so TORN so HARD so WET.... and so DEFEATED. .

THIS PPOINT

At This point of your life , you just wanna feel a little bit more safe. Loved a little bit more. You want to make sure you are gradually happy. JUST a zillion more richer. A little bit more stable.  You also constantly try to step up a little bit more on your quality of life. Sometimes i feel like i wanna adopt a child, or maybe have one of my own. I Babysit all the time anyway, might as well care for my own child.

Look at MATT & BLUE. Its envious. At this point of my life should i be still looking? I should already have someone to share with, but god just has to forbid. They say god is arranging a hottie for me. So I just have to give in and hope. Patiently and calmly waiting, while i masturbate everyday to wait for my prince charming.

Men and Money. What else? As cliche as it sounds. These two elements do play a very big part in my life. I assume everyone's life too. LOVE and MONEY.  The DEVIL and LUST. The ANGEL and HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Anyway i'm just ranting. Disappointed i am but still with a little bit of hope.