I really don't know what i could do to help out. I can't read due to my eyes condition, hence it's difficult for me to find a job. Due to my "special" conditions too, every layer of my eyes are super weak. So i couldn't carry heavy stuff. Can't do much work. Jeopardizing my eyes are the last thing i wanna do. I'm very lucky to have my sisters around. but because of me, they unconsciously limiting how they spend their money. Even their wedding. Though i know they are doing it sincerely, but i somehow felt guilty of it. Everytime i'm a little better, when i'm about to start being productive again then my condition gets worst. I couldn't kick start my plans!!! This time was the longest my eyes gradually gets healthier. GOD. Please do bless me. I really wish i'm able to contribute in some ways. I cannot be like this forever.
I just thought that.....If i could anything anymore. My urge to "Just Do It" is barely there. I just read a blog, http://agaycollegeguyinva.blogspot.com/ He mentioned that his moods can be swayed by music and movies. That is absolutely true and i always does being manipulated by something like that all the time. In fact, it's music and movies moved me these days. Oh damm..... Am i going through some super stress level? Depression? I find it so difficult to move. I need to stop smoking and my condition now is making me smoke more. It's me killing myself. You think that for someone who only sits at home and does nothing. Who has all the time in the world would be less painful? I think problems occur at every level of life. Simplicity is not simple. Many many things comes into account when you needs to achieve that. I don't even dare to look elsewhere or even get to know other peoples problems. As me myself are also messed up. Somehow i do sincerely hope with everyone that is struggling will at least somehow felt warm or at least a little satisfaction from what they are doing. At least enough for them to fight again tomorrow.
I'm quite grumpy these days. I dream a lot. too many unfulfilled dreams. i kinda wanna do so much. It's really admirable to those who stand to be their dreams. Set that a side. I kept on getting angry with all my sisters. Does anyone actually knows "who" they are when it comes to love? Does anyone really knows how they act while in love? Does any one knows what they does for love? I think no body actually realizes it. I know everyone is a "fool" of love. but when we as siblings felt heart ache when we see the person you become for love. Then that's not good. Why can't act rationally? It's really painful, it's sometimes almost obscene to see it.
Sensations, i must say. Visited this amazing blog that i found. http://pasaelmocho.blogspot.com/ He introduced this movie, called "Pa Negre" translation "Black Bread" These Spanish movie's are always like art. Every frame is so beautiful. Even their cast always compliments the backdrops. Amazing. Then the sensations came. When this actor called Lazaro Mur appears. Well, you would just smile looking at him. I have a hard time searching for his name. I search for the entire day. Some language complications. I can't get the movie that has English subtitle hence i don't know his character name and so i can't find his real name. Well at last it's the owner of the blog that gave me his name. He even take the liberty of entering my blog and reply me. It's really super sweet of him. Anyways. about the actor (the above picture) So less of him in the internet. Even the movie's homepage doesn't have his name. Hmmmm... that's sad.