Monday, May 19, 2014



It's so crazy. I woke up this morning and i miss my boss so much. I felt like hugging him and give him a kiss. Smell his forehead and cuddle with him. Unfortunately I only can imagine it. Ups and downs. Left and right. All corners of my life now is reeked with boredom. To be adventuress , I do o things that I know sure to be fun but at the same time damaging to my body. So tired of this! I feel like I woke up in a pile of mess everyday. I can tell myself to stop drinking. In my head I know it's bad for me, but I still drink and smoke excessively!! OMG!!! What am I doing to myself? I think I need help. I need distractions. I need to be around friends. I need someone to chat with. At least that way I get distracted.      
  I hope my will is strong enough to overcome this shit.  Bumble Bee is around though. He came back a few months back. I use to hang out with him but recently he is closer to my sister. My sister doesn't want me to drink a lot so now these she goes out with Bumble Bee without me. She thinks that I wouldn't get to drink if I don't follow them. They too hangs out at the pub everyday. She thinks that she is helping and doing me a favor but actually it's worst. Taking my friend away only makes me feel lonelier hence I head out and drink by myself. When that happens, I end up drinking and smoke even more. Cause there is no one around to distract and stop me. My mom and another sister is a
t home. I can't smoke at home. That too is another reason why I goes out at night. If they are not around, then at least I can smoke at home and doesn't need to drink beer.  Damm!!! I sound like a typical alcoholic, creating excuses. 

This really doesn't feel nice. I need more friends. I need a boyfriend. I ask god to find me a boyfriend. No answer yet so far. I need to exercise. I need to improve my health. I need a sex partner, so that I don't masturbate 24/7. I need a genuine friend that doesn't cheat my money. I need a mate. I need someone to grab me closely and walk with me.

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