Continuation from yesterdays post

As i mentioned yesterday. The movie "Dare" reminds me of my past. I too did go ga ga over one of "the" guy in my high school. Of course he is one of the celebrity in my school. Being great looking, tall, rich and also mixed, i guess everyone at school does go ga ga over him. God knows how many girls he had slept with. My best friend is one of the girls. He use to hang out with me when ever he wants information about my best friend.  Somehow, creepy things do happen. I had sex with him. It wasn't an easy catch. It's after some time and curiosity that leads us both into having sex. Well, after that the jealousy and guessing game starts. Not a blood bath, but it will leads you to think "what if" and "maybe" all the time.It makes you wanna be around them. Being included in their activity becomes like a necessity. I hate the feeling when all 3 of us lying on the bed after some party, hopimg he would touch you and not her or maybe while in the car, hoping for another chance. Giving high hopes on every possible opportunity.  Hmmm.... it's painful sometimes. But in this movie "Dare" it's sort of like the opposite and also almost the same.
John (the famous guy) Ben(the loser guy) Alexa(the best friend) John mix and had sex with them is because he never felt so needed before. He felt alive and not lonely around them. Something like that. What surprises me is that Ben and Alexa left him alone when he needed them the most. I think it's cruel. Anyhow, games like that always leave me with this unbearable feeling of  heartache and wanting to cry. It's like a constant short of breath. Can i cry now??

it's that Feeling

Wonder if anyone ever watch "Dare" with zach Gilford in it? I first noticed him when he was in Grey's Anatomy. It's really amazing that you will kept on smiling whenever you see someone. It's kinda warm. And about him? He is super cute. not the beat looking person but try seeing him talk. He speaks like his tongue is injured or something. Sooo bloody adorable. I just felt like chewing him whenever i see him talk. Lol....In this movie titled "Dare" he is too looks amazing and he acts partly gay but i think gay is not the word. Did i mention his pink lips??? AMAZING!!!!! God knows, how many wet dreams i'll have after this. Anyway the story of this movie actually reminded me of my past. Well kinda almost the exact past. Will tell my story tomorrow. 

What is it?

What is it that really stops me from pursuing it? I had a dream. A dream to benefit everyone around me. I have a tiny breakdown. I'm afraid what i wanted or planned is actually a fantasy. What if it all doesn't work? What if it all is really just a dream? I need a burst of power i guess. At times i see people favor the strong. It makes me don't dare to whine Don't dare to cry. I'm afraid it will show that i'm a loser. That i'm not strong enough. I guess sometimes, strong people do cry. It's getting there. Thw money issue has finally arise. This cannot go on for long. Someday, sometime, i have to step up and work. To earn money again. Why do i always feel tired and not rested? Am i doing it wrong? Maybe i should sleep early today. Hmmmm

Hope-ish

We always hope. Sometimes we forget to be hopeful. Sometimes i hope my life is filled with music, Hopefull music that would make you feel good. Music that would make you feels alive in the morning. Music that makes you smile. Music that makes you feel "it's okay to move on"  Music that would makes you feel like you can't wait for the miracle that is bound to happen. 

I Hear

Yes. I hear. Why must i listen, but you ignored my advice? It's really funny, these cute old parents of mine never listens. They always think they know the best and whatever we know are not real.. Hmmm... sometimes it really kills me ?big time". Grrrr..... i guess at situations like that we only could scream under the pillow. :( I want to learn French. It's so cute when i hear people speaks French or English with a very heavy  accent. I think they could verbally sexed me up! Aiks!!! Ha ha ha...////// 

Ugly - ish

Ugly - ish. turns me on!!!!! OMG!!! I think Megamind is bloody srxy and i actually wants to ...... Well better not.  Aiks...There is something about his dimple that drives me crazy. Hahahah.......... Well, at least there are stuff that keeps me entertained. I think that guys that i once thought ugly are now getting second opinions from me now, these. days. Hmm... maybe what i'ved experienced had changed me. not to a lower standards but a more appreciative way. I am more easy to feel fulfilled now these.  but in a more matured way too. 

It's Small

I have to say that my life is full of drama. Things that happens are very small. but when manu small stuff adds up, it's quite a big prob. Well, how nice if there are antidote for everything. Who doesn't wants to be strong when ever they can? Sometimes being able to cry is a sign of courage. Seriously!! Everyonr, please appreciate the ones beside you and everything around you. The feeling of "lost forever" isn't really that nice.