TWENTYTHREEpointTwentyFourteen

   

I really hate it when straight guys make fun of you when they suspect that you're gay but they don't dare to ask. But you can see them try to make fun of you with sarcastic jokes, thinking that they are so fucking intelligent with the "I told you so" fucking grin on their face. OMFG!!! I just wish that I won't  explode right at their face. 

You think that the world has change a lot. Well, in certain parts of the world.... Things has not change! Juvenile stays as juvenile and that typical MAN FROM VILLAGE EGO, just never disappears. I'm not being a hypocrite here but when you comes out from the village? Please have some courtesy to learn the City's etiquette. Don't do jokes that are socially suicidal. I just can't believe that I still have to put up with such menace!!! Grrrr........ 

TWENTYTWOpointTwentyFourteen

I'm trying to fly?? Ha ha ha.... Everything needs precision and the perfect time to launch. I'm working at my brother in laws' office now. I was under a bit of depression a while ago. I have these frequent anxiety attack that really pulls my mood down. It's so severe that it is affecting my presence. I felt awry all the time. Like I'm walking on nothing. 

 

Now after a while, when the withdrawals are not so bad anymore. I begin to feel happier everyday. I begin to see more possibilities. I even become quite ambitious. Well, what I want is not easy and it takes lots of planning. Now? What I want seems like a joke or a dream that is quite far fetched. I do somehow always have this urge that  forces me to work towards it though.  So it means no                                       

       

In the mids of all this, when I'm feeling so weightless and weak. I oddly finds that the idea of having a man beside me calms me down. Substantially calms me down. When I think or imagine that if have a boyfriend? I felt like I could fly. I felt like there are nothing I couldn't do. I can't wait for tomorrow. Suddenly!!, I realize that I was dreaming? I'll go all hopeless again. Such force. Such wonder a guy could do to me. Interesting but useless at the same time

TWENTYONEpointTwentyFourteen

          

It has been awesome and eerie. I hate to be sucked into watching these games. Now that it's gonna end? I begin to feel melancholy already. ;( damm sad. I wished I had been into sports when I was young. Imagine all the good things that I could do.

I am officially one month smoke free. AWESOME!!! You know when they say don't just go cold turkey and do it gradually? They are right. Listen to them. I went cold turkey and it's a torture. Of course me myself is not that strong to stop immediately. I manage to go through it cause I have a massive !!FEAR!! to motivate me through it. It's only been a month, not completely over yet. Still fighting to stay smoke free.

If you ever attempt to stop smoking? Make sure you know all the ' Nicotine withdrawal symptoms' Surf the net and you tube too. Then stop gradually. 

To stay healthy is my new aim. I don't intend only to improve my life quality but I also intend to improve the lives of everyone around me. Including you. Start with eating like a rabbit or have at least one kind of vitamins to start with.