"It catches up really fast. We have to deal with our past. I know it's painful but there you'll find specialness cause everybody needs to feel real special. We need to remember the love lies deep within ourself. We have to bought it so it starts with us and nobody else. We must learn, we are born with specialness inside of us. I have the need to feel real special." By Janet Jackson (Special) I accidentally listen to this song and when you are low. You seems to listen. I mean really "listen" to songs don't you think?? Anyway it makes sense. and i think i need such words. Today i told my sis a "decision" I want to quit and i'm really not happy working there. As i am typing this i am still listening to Janet Jackson. I barely remember whats in Velvet Rope. Suddenly a song that i use to adore played. Don't you think usually at this time we cry? I am typing with tears now. Life is just so hard. it is so bloody hard. I never thought i would have to endure this. Well i am prepared but i didn't think that i will loose my will to fight. My excitement to work are all gone. I use to can't wait to start work. Now, i just wants to stay at home and do things in slow motions. I rather clean than going through magazines. I rather sew than going through channel E. I rather do gardening than going out hunting. I rather listen to Frank Sinatra than Christina's Dirty. Are these all a getting old syndrome?? I can't part with coffee but i'm beginning to love tea. OMG!!!