Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Sorry i haven't been blogging lately. My eyes got worst again and i finally and so happened at the same time my sister hurt her back and could walk for some time. thank god it didn't got worst. It will recover and she could be walking again in no time. Well. i feel like laughing when it all happens. I woke up and i can't see well. So i stop working immediately. Then the next day i got the news of my sister. Out of my worries and sadness i felt likee laughing. Well what are the odds or shall i say why are the odds are not odds? (hmmmm.... what am i talking about?) Now i have to rest well, sleep well and eat well so that my eyes heal well. So i haven't been following the beautiful all male game of world cup.:( Suddenly i got the urge to hug and actually smell the neck of a guy. I need some comfort. Aiks!!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Don't know what to think.

Stupid. I finally told my manager that i want to resign. Finally, finally. Somehow i can't wait to leave that place. I hate it when the staff that you thought is the wisest are all twisted. It's so disappointing. I just hate people is that. I just find it sad as i just found a star between my staffs. It turns out to be a selfish bastard. It's just ridiculous. Felt like being shot!! I need a man to hug me. How i wish there is a guy tall and big enough to hug me. Hmmm... so sweet. ;)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


"It catches up really fast. We have to deal with our past. I know it's painful but there you'll find specialness cause everybody needs to feel real special. We need to remember the love lies deep within ourself. We have to bought it so it starts with us and nobody else. We must learn, we are born with specialness inside of us. I have the need to feel real special." By Janet Jackson (Special)  I accidentally listen to this song and when you are low. You seems to listen. I mean really "listen" to songs don't you think?? Anyway it makes sense. and i think i need such words. Today i told my sis a "decision" I want to quit and i'm really not happy working there. As i am typing this i am still listening to Janet Jackson. I barely remember whats in Velvet Rope. Suddenly a song that i use to adore played. Don't you think usually at this time we cry? I am typing with tears now. Life is just so hard. it is so bloody hard. I never thought i would have to endure this. Well i am prepared but i didn't think that i will loose my will to fight. My excitement to work are all gone. I use to can't wait to start work. Now, i just wants to stay at home and do things in slow motions. I rather clean than going through magazines. I rather sew than going through channel E. I rather do gardening than going out hunting. I rather listen to Frank Sinatra than Christina's Dirty. Are these  all a getting old syndrome?? I can't part with coffee but i'm beginning to love tea. OMG!!!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I Had A Dream

I had a dream. I was talking to this guy. We were lying down in my room. It started with me starring at his face. We were chatting happily and i only can see his face, Suddenly i realized that i an admiring at his skin. His smooth face and his beautiful neck was mesmerizing me. It looks silky and it's like glowing, It's like those fairies in LOTR. after a while i notice that i am looking at his penis. His super soft skin , matt but smooth with a hint of some green veins, lying down elegantly on his soft pubic hair. Then his body and his legs. The dream was very sensual. It,s like i am looking at a priceless living thing. Then in a flesh i realize that i am smelling his face. This guy in my dream is not gay. He is straight, but somehow was actually being protected by me. He seems to be taking comfort from me. The whole dreamy dream was so sensual and picturesque.  I woke up eventually. Then i realized that the guy in my dream was one of my staff i work with 5 years ago. How Ironic. He is straight and he is bloody handsome. As beautiful as Legolas.

Saturday, June 12, 2010


This is ugly. What i'm going through now is really ugly. Realistically. I am not showing any sings that i'm not happy. I'm not happy.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Just it

It's late and I'm suppose to be sleeping. Well gonna sleep after this. I actually did text Bumble bee. Happy birthday i said. he only reply "Thanks" Just it. It hurts when i know he is actually at home and not out celebrating. My sister text him too. That's why i know. Well, i wish him all the best and hope he is having fun all the time so that hr doesn't miss home so much. Me on my part I'm struggling to decide what should i do. My fob i mean. this is such agony!!!

Monday, June 7, 2010


It;s Bumble Bee's birthday on the 9th. I wonder will i text him or not. I missed him much actually. Day's has been okay. My vision are getting better but nit fast enough. It's just  a matter of time till something happens. Where i work now is more to a home area. So many customers are actually very family kind of crowd. So you can see nice smiley faces and some with very very hot sons walking around or maybe their very very hot brother accompanying them. Can't wait till my eyes are healed soon. Oh please god!!!

Friday, June 4, 2010


I was at the edge of my durability. I was about to blow this off and then my boss told ms they are transferring me to another outlet. It's ten times nearer to where i live. It;s a new mall and it's a porschy place. I see many high society people there I mean they looks like it. Hopefully i could get a porschy guy.  Aikss!! It's all new and beautiful. This is more to my forte.  I love it. My vision are still limited. I somehow are being pull back by this. Hopefully i.ll be okay. I have this urge to do what i waant on the other side. It's my business. hmmm..... now i have to find time doing it.