I have this sleeping pattern that I am not very fond of. I sleep two to three hours a day tops. No matter how i try i just cant enter the realm of sleep. I'll be like that for a week or more. When my body is exhausted enough, ill sleep the whole day. Then the next day my body will go over the same routine again. This is frustrating. Should I be taking sleeping pills? I try not to cause as it is, I am on medication everyday already. I use to think that if I drink some beers then It may help. I think I cultivated a bad habit out of it now, and worst. The more I drink the fresher I feel. Humans usually gets drunk gradually and they could feel it coming gradually. Now, myself? The more I drink the more hyper and fresh I get and out of a sudden , "pop" my mind switch off. What kind of weird person Is that??? LOLZzzzzz..... Things always gets weird on me. Even my friend do weird stuff. She had sex with her sex partner's brother just to revenge. Hmmm..... Of course both is equally as hot but then??? Haih.....
What was the worst reaction you've gotten from a men when you cry? Once the guy woke up and pretends to make a call. The second time the guy woke up and stars sorting his stocks. Aren't they suppose to start comforting instead??? Are MEN really SO afraid of people crying???
So the married guy apologizes. So everything is okay I guess. He requested to be friends. well, that's like a no brainer or the usual safe way out. Hmm... Lets see how it goes.
Anyway, I don't understand how when one person has a fucked up face. They still posses the attractive vibe going on surrounding them. The way they move. Those smile lines. Their voice that resembles the fairy tales prince's voice. The way they hunch. The way their finger moves. Their quirky walk. Aaarrrrggghhh!!!! Why still so attractive???? So damm lucky.
Well ... About the ever so opened straight guy. He turns out to be married. His wife was with him yesterday at work. He did still talks to me, it definitely turns quite awkward this time. So I was there for two hours I guess, cause I have another friend there as well. So hang out with the other guy. The straight guy didn't even dare to come out to smoke. Haishhh....... Another rotten friendship.
Yeah, people comes and goes. Sad cause the friendship meant something. I was happy that just when my friend is leaving, I met a new friend. He is also the "ever" so opened straight guy that I have bj- ed. After that I realized that we never spoke of it anymore but he is ever still so friendly. So I just go along. The day before he told me that he appreciated my companion. He hoped that one day we could officially hang out together to have a drinking session. He meant a complete drink-a-thon. Then out of no where he enters the sex subject. He says he do wish that he has a girl sex partner. Well I told him too about my hunt for a male sex partner. Both of us have the same view on the subject. On monogamy, safety and all. Both of us also do understands that we wants the same stuff and also understands of our orientation.
Then I told him that, if he ever needs I it badly. I am totally okay to provide him the solutions. He laughs and says he is aware of it. Lolzzzz...... Then again he says that even though its a solution but he won't be fully satisfied cause ultimately he is into girls but he is also okay with that idea. *wink *wink Yeah... I told him I totally feel him, cause ultimately I am into guys that are gay. So though we get "some" but it's just not going to be complete. Then we both laugh it off and continue chatting till morn. So yesterday night I went looking for him on my way home from my night drinking session at the Mamak. When I went in his shop, I found out that he is off. Yeah... It makes sense cause he is a Muslim. The thing is, I was curious the day before, and asked him. He says that he is off on Friday. I even mentioned that I am sorry for him cause he couldn't off on Raya day.
Well, it bit me cause I thought that we were on sincere grounds. Or maybe it was just me. Maybe it's because I wanted a sincere friend so much, and I was overwhelmed that I have found one. That's why I am feeling the disappointment so much that i am being sensative here?
Lost my dignity for a moment there the day before. Just happened once. Happened in a split second. But the damage is enough for Armageddon. I practically saw the atomic explosion image when it happen. lolzz......
**Out of the blue two ex-ONS texted me. For the last two days i am dwelling in their flirtation. Too bad, I am available but no place. My desire went off the scale. They made me want it so so badly. Then i met a HOT straight guy. Not only HOT but it's like my fantasy came to life. Bloody gentlemen as well. (That's a killer) He then tells me that he doesn't mind being suck. Then he says he wants to try it after he finishes his cigarette. So i got all excited and at that moment i almost felt like an Angel are holding my hands. Out of a sudden, he says... err maybe not tonight.. maybe tomorrow?? So disappointed and before my face could even turn to another expression, in my mind i thought "Nooo... Please!!" then my mouth blurted "Please??" I froze instantly with ice cold air gushing through. THAT is really THINKING out loud!!! I was so so so embarrassed. Then i started laughing and told him that i can't believe "that" just came out of my mouth. It was really just a thought and i wasn't planning of saying it out. He says it's okay and laugh at how silly i was. Thank god he didn't go all awkward on me after that. Continued on chatting and left at 4 am.
Pieces of expressions. Things that i should tell myself and scold myself with. Self encouragements and yes, i did lost my dignity yesterday. Happened just once. Happened just in a split second. Ishh!!! Anyway.. woke up this morning and realized everything around me is breaking apart. Everything is just something hollow wrapped in a beautiful exterior.
It just kills me when one is being selfish and they have not a clue that they are doing so. I just felt like taking off my underwear after gym, wet it and slap them with my underwear.
Husband gave the wife cold shoulder plus an ultimatum. Reason? Because the wife doesn't do house chores (apparently what she does is not enough) and not "being" a proper wife. "BUT" for the last two months... Husband and son has been surviving on wife's salary, cause husband's business is not doing well. Why does these rule bending mockery to the Book Of Male Chauvinism "benefit" could be shared and lavishly taken but the chauvinism rule must still stand firm???