Saturday, April 25, 2015


Yes today is his last day working. I can't say that im not sad. Just not as sad as i anticipated. I thought i will cry. I didn't!!.  "I guess the idea that he is straight and he will never be mine" sunk in.  Anyway i wished him the best and thank him for sending me to work everyday and also sending me home from work everyday. And also thank him for all his patience that he had for me while mentoring me. 

Watch this short film everyday. (Below) Maybe this film too prepared me in some ways. You guys watch just the first film in this Youtube. Ignore the rest. It's damm nice. Hahahah.... Well... i have sworn to myself that anyone that i have loved before actually have my care for the rest of their life. hahahaha yeah... so that means in future if they need any help or anything in anyways that i can provide? I will do it. It also means that they have my care and priority for life.

So what am i going to do now? Well i have been childish. Quite childish. I guess now i have to step up and own my part of work load in the company. I have to make this work. I have to support my boss in so many ways. He must feel safe with me around. 

Saturday, April 18, 2015


I'm considering to take the "Fat Buster" jab. 500 bucks for 15 jab or something. I think i would be more motivated to maintain a slim figure instead of working for one. Such a dilemma. 
One session of it is never gonna be enough. So have to do a few sessions. Will i go through a few sessions of 15 jabs???  I would. I definitely would if its worth doing. 
Not being worth financially, but is there anyone to appreciate me looking all nice?

You gave me a chauvinist loyal heart. You gave me a great ability to care. You made me big enough to provide  warmth hugs to cold fragile souls. I'm obviously a gay and you made me falls in love to straight guys. Are you confused?? 

I'm almost sure that he didn't unwrapped the book i gave him. This time he is leaving for real. Maybe this is a good thing. Not seeing him would actually make me miss him lesser. In fact that's what i have been feeling everyday. I miss him lesser now these. I dont crave for him as much when i'm at work..  Yippy yay!!!.... BUTttTT Bizarrely every night i dream of him. Ten million flashes of him. Making me masturbate multiple times while sleeping. Drink liters of water and waking up to caressing my sore head against my pillow. 

In all honesty, i ambitiously will myself to protect this guy with all my might, for good or for bad. Unfortunately this is a joke to "all mighty". 

Thursday, April 9, 2015


I gave him the Book. I casually wrapped it with some wrappers. I don't want it to be too dressy. When i gave it to him, he did guessed that it was a book that i made. After two days he still hasn't open it. How i know? Cause he couldn't answer me when i ask about the details. I hope that i am not over thinking it. What really bothers me is that. When a mere stranger gives you something. You would at least open it and as a courtesy you would at least glance through that thing. What am i? when he doesn't even open it. 
Maybe this is good. Maybe by being cold he is doing me a favor. If he gives me any reactions, it would indirectly gives me hope and i will do more stuff. 
This time he really found a new job. He would be leaving soon. I don't know how should i feel now. I have so many mix feelings that i don't know what should i feel. I felt like expressing all these somewhere. And the only person that i felt like talking this to, the only person that is mature and open enough for me to talk to, is my boss... and he is his brother!!!
Anyway.. i hope when he finally sees it, he would really like it. I don't wish that he would despise it because it was given by a gay guy who loves him. This book is built and constructed for him. This book existed because of his existence. It was meant for him. I hope he likes it. 

Monday, April 6, 2015


I've finish making the book. What do you guys think about it?
 I'm calling this book "Appreciation" Cause that is what this book is all about. It's to thank him for being my mentor. Well... and also cause i am bloody fond of him. I hope that my work doesn't shows that i have tried to rushed through, throughout the whole construction process. 
I need a little help from you guys. Can you guys distinguish what is that in the picture above? I did ask my sis. She only got it right after twice guessing. Well, not too bad actually. At least the first answer didn't stray too far off. 
When should i pass it to him? Hmm.... I hope he would like it. Did i mention about this third party that might have chemistry with him? Hmmm... This girl also know my feelings for him. Hmm... This just couldn't get anymore messier!! Grr..... 

Friday, April 3, 2015


Just an update on my book. I cannot finish it on time. Lucky!! Turns out that  i still have time. I manage to magically extend his stay at the office. So that means i have some more time to design the book properly. Well at least get the construction process right. I have been working on it till 3.30 am in the morning since Monday. Yesterday i was quite annoyed that i cannot finish it. Then my mind went empty. I was so agitated that i don't know what to do but fly.  Crying at these time wont help, but that's what i really felt like doing.  

The Cover of the book. With the initial "A"
I think it was Tuesday night. We finish early bout 9 pm ish. When we were about to reach my house. He got into this conversation that lasted for two hours. It was about his darkest (in his term) secret ever. The story consist of a girl + a boy who loved each other but could never ever be together. Boy spoke of how much this girl love him dearly and the sacrifices that this girl would take to be with him. Boy looks sad but not sad enough till he needed a hug.(bummer) So ME this other boy listens and at the same time thinking how lucky and how unfortunate this girl is and how pain am i listening to his love story. I'm glad that he opened up to me though. 
The next day while we were on the way to work, we still kinda continue the conversation Ep2, He showed me pictures and stuff.  I'm glad that he opened up to me despite of his fear towards me. It's quite obvious that he is keeping his distance and he don't even dare to touch or tap me. Well that is not important. What matters the most now is that he acts kinda cold towards me now. Why give me the mild cold shoulder after trusting me? Is he feeling embarrassed that he told me his secret? Is he regretting it? What should i do? Should i revisit the matter after a few days? Cause the problem is happening live. As in it's happening now . This week.  

Don't worry A. I will be by your side. I wont leave you handling this alone. Please ask for my help.