Wednesday, May 27, 2015


Went to Redang and came back. This picture above is the picture of my boss. I like this picture damm much. It's taken at one of the market at Terengganu. 
It was a company trip. The trip there was quite torturous. Rented van broke down 3 hours away from our destination. Have to figure out how to dump this van and rent another. Then we have to charter another speedboat from another destination, just so that we could reach Redang on schedule. By the way if anyone likes adventure. Going to Pulau Redang by speedboat from Merang Jetty is awesome. You wont regret it. But you have to charter a speedboat with Rm500++. There are 10 of us. So the fare is shared by everyone. So it's okay. Here are some pictures. 
Those were the front view of the hotel. Actually this hotel has an icon. It's one of their souvenir shop. I am stupid enough to missed taking a picture standing in front of it!!! It was quite tiring actually. I feel that we are rushing all the time. Rush for meals. Rush for snorkeling. Rush to explore. Hmm... our trip was 3 days 2 night. I think we need more than that. I think we need some quality quiet resting time. I feel that It defeats the purpose of vacation, if we don't get to rest at all. The following pictures are views from the dining area. 

 The rest below would be the snorkelingsss.
The end note of this trip was pleasant actually. It was a 7 hour drive from KL. I got to share a room with my boss and my boss's best bud. They are cool. I actually manage to plan this trip. I don't really believe that i did it but i did. So i felt a tiny wee bit of achievement there. Lolzzz..... 

As for "A". He is doing well at his new office. I'm glad that he is doing fine. I do still thought of him everyday. The intensity has become milder but he is still very much alive in my thoughts. I missed him but at the same time i felt stranded. There is nothing that i can do but to  just let nature takes it's course. 

Tuesday, May 19, 2015


How come  i see myself as moderate sometimes? How come sometimes i think I am beautiful? How come sometimes i feel down right ugly. I don't hurt people. I am those kind that i would help you if i can. I will clean the office if you are not free. I will go down to buy you drink if you are not free. Somehow my generosity comes across as "PLEASE BULLY ME" Maybe they think that being funny is a tool to tell people they are comfortable with us. It's annoying me. Sometimes i avoid talking more just to avoid from being harassed. 
My boss kinda is the nicest guy in my office. We always talk like friends, He always starts and end the sentence with my name.  I find that very intriguing. Lolzz... cause it just simply felt that you are being respected.  I am just trying to say that we talk like buddies. Last friday he told me some of his problems and some personal stuff. I just be there and listens. Now i don't know how to react. The last time he was sending me home. So the conversation stopped when i reach home. If it's me, i would like my friend to ask me more when they see me again. But this guys is independent and strong in nature. I am afraid that if i ask? He would find me a nuisance. Bothering him maybe? hmm.... Whatever it is. This guy will always have my greatest respect. He is just top notch. 
About the guy that i allegedly love? I don't dare to contact him. I felt like texting him, but again i scare that he would avoid me. Somehow i have this decision of sending him a bouquet of  sleek champagne roses on his birthday. Which is in October. Not gonna write my name but just gonna sign off as "From A Friend To A Wolf" I wonder if he could guessed it or not. If he does get to guess, and if he ever ask me why flowers? I couldn't think of any other answer but to answer 

"Because everything beautiful must be treated elegantly" 

Of all answer? That's what i could think of. Hahahahaahah... Frankly speaking. I don't know why i somehow think that he seriously would like receiving flowers.  You think straight guys would freak out?? 

Saturday, May 9, 2015


So! I am really into reducing flaws on myself this time.  I wonder if i could flip my self over. Weight is a major prob. I just want all of my loose skin to be intact and stop bouncing. I just want to have a firm body instead of a walking jello. I also have to correct my body posture. I hunch. So i have to monitor how i walk and stand and sit. 

I don't know why i have this thing for Slim legs. Really really long slim legs. They looks the best with skinny jeans. I love long slim legs so much that i can cum hands free just by looking at it. Hahahaahah..............  not joking! I'm serious. Hence i too am focusing on slimming my legs. The picture on the left is my leg from an angle that makes my legs looks kinda slim. I wish that i looks like that from the front view.  

I think the mask that i use everyday. Naruko. is working. My sister says that i looks brighter now these. My beard is giving me some problem though. I'm not a very hairy person. But i have these hairs growing out of under my cheek.  Very far apart. So it looks like dirt instead of the sexy beards. PLUS i have many holes on my cheek. It couldn't been worst. I hope La Mer could reduce the holes on my entire face.

I started to follow this exercise by The Lean Machines on you tube. 10 Minutes workout and i have lost one belt size. Been doing it a month already. Looked up their advise on firming up my butt cheeks too. Been doing the squats but don't know if it's working or not. 

I hope with every great things that i get i become more & more  humble. I certainly hope this transformation is not a bitch in the making. Lolzz....

Monday, May 4, 2015


My best friend met a guy. A widower who has two children. My friend is a lady who recently went through a bad time like me. Both of us were dwelling and brewing in a bad potion. For her it's worse when she found out that ppl are talking behind her back. Saying that she gives free sexual favors easily and stuff. Until this guy step in. He is one of the guys in the group of guys that are gossiping about her. Straight guys are bitches trap in a man's body. They just don't know it. Well... I must declare, not all straight guys are, but most of them.

So this guy sort of like rise up as how a gentlemen should be and defended her honor.  Then they hang out more after that. This guy has been total nice and my friend are feeling safe.  All these drama and stuff happens in just two weeks time. This guy is like a Panadol during headache. My friend told me that she is beginning to like this guy.

She says she is afraid she is plunging in a relationship again. You know how you feel when the sex is mutual and passionate & there is this sex that is empty and no connection? She say this is the mutual one. She say it never felt more stabil. She just felt that she is being  a little crazy and stupid for going into a relationship at lightning speed.

Then I asked her. What is more stupid than getting a LA MER just to look better at "HIS" brother's wedding in three months time? Yeah... I told everyone including myself that I didn't miss him. That I'm okay. Then turn around and bought myself a La MER in hope that I will get hope from him by looking better. OMG!!!! This is pathetic beyond words. Not only that. I insist myself to replenish my CK Be just because he happens to like CK Be too. Now everything I buy or do, I would think.. "Which one would he buy?" "What would he do?"  "Which one would I choose for him?" It's like he is my inspiration. 

Actually the stuff that I bought, influenced by "Him" are quite nice and classy. He is actually indirectly improving my lifestyle. This is nuts. How can someone has so much power over me by not initiating anything at all.? It's a good thing though, that I'm improving. It's just that the idea of him being my "inspiration" is not exactly "healthy". 

Saturday, May 2, 2015


I know it's dreadful that i kept on mentioning this guy. Even now.. i still wanna talk about him. lolzz... a story must have an ending right? I thank him for replying my text. I am grateful actually. If he didn't? I would drag my self around like a fish on dry land. Though he replied me one day after that. I appreciate his reply. It's like "the" text. It's the "closure" text. Thank god he replied.  

He mentioned about the book!!! In his text he mentioned about the book. Actually his text is very courteous. Well it's good enough. Nothing more that i can expect from a guy who is trying to be nice to a gay boy. 
I did text him on Monday night. (yet again) Asking him about his new job. He replied and i end the conversation after the third text. Saying that i have to hit the showers. I am afraid if i text more he would feel that I'm being clingy or something. 

Miraculously, i don't miss him as much as i thought, but i would thought of him whenever i see something nice. Like the other day i went in a vapor store. i wished that he is there at that time. Cause i wished that i could share everything that is nice with him. I secretly wished that i have the money to buy him one at that time, cause i think he really wants one.   

Other than that, i think i am coping okay. Just that i don't really like this new colleague that replace him and i hope that she is not a mean lady. I also felt like I should have the one "let out" session or something. I'm okay but i felt like i wanna let out some cry or something. Just for the sake of letting out. 

The only person that i really felt like telling to is my boss. I don't think that it would be a problem if i do so but every time i see him. My mood changes. I became happier. He tends to make me smile and laugh a lot when i chat with him. Lollzzz..... I attempted a few times actually. Failed. He made me laugh before i could even start my story. ....hmmm.....