PROVOKE

Why don't you stop when someone is angry at you after you provoke them? Doesn't it just means that you have won? The person reacted just the way you wanted. So why aren't you stopping but instead you continue doing what you did because that person is angry at you?

It's So Blank

Arrgh..having a headache now am sad too. So many stuff. Just came back from passing a pear to 7E guy anyway. (Part of the reason) It was nothing really. Really it was "nothing" I don't feel even a wee bit of light. I think i am feeling the need to weep but i am weaving my note book's skin. Really? doing something interesting actually are stopping me from crying. Even my lips already gets into the crooked motion waiting for the que to start weeping, but it's just not happening because i am doing something fascinating. 

Anyway i hope i am patting him to sleep now. Ishhh...this is such a dry moment. 

Coming Out

Kakaka...that was a joke.
Anyway this reminded me of one of my friend's coming out story.
My friend was at the verge of breaking up with the love of his life. He went nuts for days and everything he does is just plain. a major impact and an obvious change in him. Tragedy. Then one day the break up went official. He felt weak He sat in his room, on his bed stunned. He did not cry. It was like a blow on his face. Too pain to cry. Out of nowhere his mom comes in and sat beside him. Nothing was said and he didn't even acknowledge his mom. (He never comes out to his mom before. All she knows is that he is in a relationship.)  He wants to complaint about his pain to his mom but he just doesn't know how to do it. His mom's presence actually makes him felt even heavier. Then suddenly he felt a continues soft pat on his shoulder. His mom hug him quietly. Then she broke the silence. " Son, there are still many cute guys out there. Don't worry." Then she tighten her hug. OMG!!! That!!!  was like a magic spell. His tears came out like waves.  Sweet. 

It's it's something i guess........? Five

Have you ever felt this feeling of betrayal? Something fishy. It's like you have this sixth sense telling you that your boyfriend is cheating on you or someone is betraying you?  It's really an ugly feeling. I had it twice before and twice also turns out to be true. Once was my best friend starts to date the guy who i likes. Another one are when Bumble Bee is going out with another guy. What i felt or suspicious about usually hits on the spot quite precisely. This time i really don't know why i am having this feeling. It's quite ridiculous actually cause this time i am suspecting that my friend who always follows me to 7Eleven one is dating Straight Boy. I am really amazed with the appearance of this suspicions but my friend has not call me for two weeks already. My friend too did actually show interest in Straight Boy too. OMG...this better not be true cause i tremendously hate this feeling. it's robust and ugly. It's really ugly ugly. 

Actually i am super terrified. I am afraid that what happens in the past may repeat. I don't want to know if it happens. I know i sounds plain STUPID and unnecessary but that particular fear registered in me, i can't help it. 

It's it's something i guess........? Four

 Monday 5.30 am....Saw him and he was sitting in front of 7Eleven. Alone half asleep. He has the cutest face ever when he is tired. He told me he is sleepy in a whining face . His sleeves got stuck-up a bit ..like folded up a bit so i helped to unfold his sleeves and he lets me do it. Not even a glance or a twitch, he just continue talking to me. Now should i feel weird about this? You are straight and you let customer does this? Anyway i kinda just warned him that it's really dangerous for him to fall asleep outside. When i reach...there is not a soul in that area. If bad things happens...there wouldn't been any witness at all. Fall asleep at the cashier at least you have CCTV. Scare the crap out of me. Later I texted him when i got home. Asking him to feel free to hang out at my house cause he really looked bitter.

Tuesday 4.00am Since he did not reply my text so i din't bring the matter up. While i was paying...he brought it up. He apologizes that he didn't reply and i just explain to him that i saw that he was really tired yesterday that's why. Then i just told him next time just come over and don't ever worry it wouldn't be a bother. So he smiled and answers.."yeah...one day i'll come" Whoahh...i am happy with his answer cause the last time he never really gave me an answer. This time he did...like he is finally accepting my offer. :)

Wednesday..5.30am. Nothing much happens. Just normal talk

Thursday 4.00am. I went there and a loud greet from him I smiled and told him to give me two packs of cigarette. (sorry Tuls)  "Huh?? why so many?" he frowned. "Oh...i have things to do tomorrow, i won't be coming here"  Then he said "So i cannot see you tomorrow" he stops smiling. I totally went blank and i actually were finding what kind of expression i should give next. Imagine i am bloody happy but i cannot show that out loud and all i just did was smile and say " ha ha yeah..maybe (paused) i'll (paused) come...(paused) see how.

Friday 12.00am. He has a friend there hanging out with him. The usual hi's and bye's. Then while i was paying he sort of signals to his friend to see me. Then his friend just looked at me for a while and the looked back at him ..and says "yeah" ???  *Ting *Ting *Ting *Ting *Ting What the hell was that?

Sorry guys that this doesn't have a juicy finish cause it hasn't end yet. That's in the future. I am kinda contemplating with "the" situation. That would be another post. For now this is what has happened so far. Thanks for reading guys. 

It's it's something i guess........? Three point Five

 Before four there is a 3.5 . Advertisement. Kakaka.... Something that happens to me yesterday that i thought quite ironic. I was alone in the mall. I wasn't looking or i shall say while i was walking i didn't pay attention or focus on anything. I just walk then suddenly my eyes were glued to this guy walking in front of me. I first notice him is when i saw his sandals sort of Timberland - ish and it caught my attention when he has a anklet I thought it looks edgy. Then as i scrolled up his "v" shaped body made me go ga ga over him. He is not built but it's those handsome lean body that made me drool. I didn't see his face though. So as he heads to the other direction to the lower ground floor i went up to the first floor.

Stomach pain so i went to the toilet to do
my investment.  After a while i heard many people came in and break the silence in the toilet. Then i heard the door next stall slammed closed. So i just moved my eyes over. Just reactions. I was staring at the floor when that happen so when i looked over i can see shadows reflected from the "shinny" tiles. Saw his feet though and it was the same feet of the "v" shape guy. Then as i looked harder i realize that guy was vibrating. I raised my head up a bit to look at the big picture. He was masturbating. OMG!! My investment were disrupted for a moment. So i continue looking at the dance of a massive tool's shadow.Then i found myself couldn't continue as my temperature were rising. So i washed up and woke up to wear my pants. While i was standing i realize the view from further above were even clearer. I am very sure to see his body jerked a few times when he cum. I thought he must have been really horny as he came quite fast. So show finished and i am about to go out. He came out at the same time when i opened my door.


OF COURSE I HAVE TO LOOK AT HIS FACE. Awwhhh...he is HANDSOME!! I nearly fainted and at the same time our eyes caught. I smiled at him cause obviously i was staring. He smiled and hold my wrist and pulled me in to the opposite stall. I felt my chest skipped so many beat. I lost count. I think his hands still has his cum, cause it was wet a bit. I have to actually tell myself to calm down. I swear i fainted but my will kept me awake. KAka...AND MY FIRST word to him was..."but you just came?" Of everything else!! lolz...... he paused a moment and then stare into my eyes and smile. My GOD. He has these lines beside his lips that is just killer. I think I died a few times just in that few minutes. Never knew i was a cat? My mom told me i am a rooster ahahha..He pulled me out after that. So we wash hands and we walked out of the toilet together.


"Take my number"HE SAID and  He got a called right at that time. I took out my phone... before my phone is out from my bag, he grabs it and keyed in his number. Then he waved and walked away as he speaks in his phone "I am coming now" "Yeah i am about to reach" That's what i heard, so i guess he is rushing. So i just text him to tell him my name and just a courtesy thank you. He then replied.."I am xxxxx"
Here i was wooing a guy since 2010 and suddenly out of the blue i got a gorgeous guy's number in seconds and also actually saw him masturbate. How profoundly things happens yeah? ..... *wink*

It's it's something i guess........? Three

To be frank i really almost lost my self there. I almost don't know what to do. Ha ha hah...... Trying very hard to act normal and while blushing i invited him in.

He did not came to "stay" but it's only to check out the location of my home.

Well though he did not enter but i think i am all chirped up too, over the fact that he actually bothers to check out where is my home.  :)  Now!! He is straight and do you feel that this part is quite weird?

Anyway.... the days goes on and i see him when i see him and saw him when i saw him. Like i mentioned before this, i hang out with one of my this friend quite a lot and always show up at 7Eleven with my friend too. This goes on for about three months since the handphone number incident. So from my friend who says Straight Boy is not his type till now my friend thinks that Straight Boy is super cute and one day my friend told me..."Hey if you never gonna make any moves. I'm gonna take him" To speak the truth i am quite insulted by his words and all i could react is just "Hey!! PLEASE???"

One day Straight Boy ask me where is my friend. So i turn back to see and couldn't find  my friend so i answered " I don't know". He laugh at my answer and then he looked outside again ...jutted out his neck a bit to see further outside from across the cashier. Suddenly he say..."take my number" "xxxxx" and starts telling me his number. I was stunned a bit and he realized it. He then say "handphone""handphone"  and point at my bag pocket. After like 5 seconds then only i get what he meant and i quickly tear my bag pocket to grab my handphone. Lolz..... Right when he finishes telling me his number ...my friend came in. Straight Boy greeted my friend and start continue doing his stuff. One thing that i really loved is that we both always have those mutual understanding.

Like in this kind of situations we
could know what both parties wants....For instance, once i hide two packs of cookie in my bag. One was the Mark & Spencer box cookie and another one was the butter cookie from Ikea  I hate to let my friend knows that i am giving gifts and when we enter 7Eleven my friend head straight to the back to get the can drinks and i usually don't wait at the cashier . I will follow to the back. So as my friend walks first ..me at the back quickly take the cookies out and place it on the cashier. Straight Boy was at the other corner. So i walked straight to the back to choose my drinks and when i turn i saw Straight Boy already at the cashier. When i reach the cashier the cookie is not there anymore and not one word is said about it. I never told him to be secretive about it but it just happens. Bought our stuff and went off. After two days when i am there alone then only he thanked me for the cookies.Now again ....this part?...do you feel weird? Do you?

All that i have mentioned happens from approximately November 2010 till last month. This that i am about to tell in my next post happens last week .

It's it's something i guess........? two

I think i misinterpreted  his reactions reacting to my gesture. When i give, he take and i start to imagine, "Hope".  He is simply just respecting our friendship. I never told him i am gay and i guess he should guessed it by now. Anyway no confirmation though, question never raised and never discussed about it.
One day i gave him my number. I ask him to text me his number and i walked away. This way both parties could avoid the awkward moment. Never know what if he doesn't wants to share his number? Then it would be hard for him to avoid anything and also i no need to secretly dig a hole with my toes and bury myself. :)
He never text though.
The next time i see him was two weeks after that. I drop the question only the next day. He said he lost the paper that i gave him. Soooo.....we, the smart generation  (*wink) gets the message. Point taken and life goes on. So now i know, i have to wear a  rubber suit every time i see him so that there would be no electricity flowing out of me body.
I still do see him sometimes when ever i go out to drink with my friend. The Mamak/Cafe  is just beside 7Eleven. HAHAHA...(how pathetic)
Every time after drinking, my friend and i will buy a can of drink and a pack of cigarette ( Sorry :( Tuls  )  before we head to the car cause we will stop at the park before heading home. So we were never apart every time when we enter the shop. and sometimes i will see Straight Boy depending on his schedule.

Sometimes when he works in the night shift he would get quite tired due to the odd sleep time. So i know he would walk back to his home like for 40 minutes. Imagine..sleepy...and walk..!! So i told him that if he ever gets super tired just come to my house *wink *wink and he basically could rest here all day till his next shift and it's like 5 minutes walk from 7Eleven. Well i am afraid to suggest at first cause i don't want him to visually imagine me with two horn. I did it anyway and he just ask where is my house just to be polite. Next day while i was watering my plants around 8.30am i heard his voice, he was on his way home. OMG!!! I was not dressed properly and at that time i was only holding one hose and two dry leaves in the size of my thumb how to cover??  The sweat and my hair and I'm in my pj's i basically turned purple. Anyway I'll continue again in my next post. I know how annoying it is when a post gets too long. ;)

It's it's something i guess........?

I have actually mentioned about him before in one of my previous post titled 7-Eleven. Anyway a brief summary. Boy (me) meets straight boy (him) a year ago i think. Straight boy works in 7-Eleven and he is from Nepal. Straight boy looks exactly like the guy in the picture above (I swear and cross my heart) :P shorter and he has a very nice voice too. Since he is straight so i behave. (In a way) Occasionally i give him present and little gifts supported by occasions like his birthday and Christmas. He is Christian by the way. Both boys became friends. :)
I saw him the other day . I was buying some stuff. He came out with the reddest lips ever and kept licking his lips and making the ssss.... sssss....sssss...sound. Cause he was having his dinner and his food was very spicy. He bloody looks like Julia Robert after crying in the train station in "My Best Friend's Wedding"  It's so adorable that i could feel like one of those slow motion moments. Great temptations forcing me to kiss him. Starting by licking his lips......Then again like i mentioned ..he is straight. So i ended up smiling on my own while walking off.