I confessed. After the Shiela Majid episode made my tears can't stop flowing. My tears ran loose ridiculously.
I confessed. He took it...well and he says he is straight and he knows that i liked him all the time. I thank him for not avoiding me even when he knows it. I put out my hand when i say don't worry..i totally understand and we are good friends forever....then he grasp my hand then i added no matter what ...i will still always care for him...and please don't hesitate to ask for anything. We shook hands. After the confession..our conversations were more like buddy type and more daring.
The main reason is not to be in the dark anymore and at least it ends my "hope" of "hoping". I know even i confessed i will still feel pain. Like how now i felt numb and shaky like a terrified dog but at least he gets it that i have no intentions towards him anymore. I mean so that he doesn't need to always fear of me anymore. This way... both of us felt more freedom and for me? I at least have eliminated a part of my pain. Though no doubt i still misses him...awh so much. Though now i really need someone to hold me tight so that i stop trembling, and a good cry on an actual shoulder will help much. The fact that i am still sad, but it's the realistic process i have to bare cause don't think my emotions or feeling could change that fast.
I am happy though on how much it changes his attitude towards me. I hope i could live up to my decisions.