I Can't

I can't. I was all moody today. Got a new hair cut. Was all set and fired up for my interview. Then my age seems to be a barrier. Huh?? Why want to write a book about the world when Discovery has already done it? Doesn't experience count?? Had a great interview and was told that she will call me back. Then my manager actually didn't turn up to work and me as the second in charge after her wasn't informed. In fact no one knows where is she. How irresponsible is that?? I text her and there's no reply. Then i ask one of her favorite staff to text her and she called right away to inform. That is at around 4pm. After nearly half of the day gone. I'm actually very bothered by that and it got me all moody. I kept on asking myself "can i actually bear this mental games by that woman?" "Should i resign straight away?" "What happens to my income then?" " "Can i cope?" I really tried to stay as calm as ever. If you've been reading my blog you'll notice that i've been trying to get up again and again... I know she would play mental games like that. Talking about being professional? She is just pure childish and short of experience. She thinks that she is well trained and well mature about everything. I've never met with anyone... no .... a manager that acts like that. The usual professional ones would actually have a talk and move on. but this one seems to or shall i say like a kid trying to revenge. This is killing me!!!! I felt like shit for the rest of my working hours... the time dread by and by the time i finish work i really felt like a watery, slimy shit. I walk like a zombie and the thought of me seeing her at work tomorrow morning makes me wanna kill myself. Was really low and motionless on my way home just now. It was dry, my mind was shooting all areas to figure out what should i do. Financially, a new job and i felt like crying and kept on thinking of the future, went in the cab motionless and kept looking out the window, didn;t really answer the driver when he talked to me, and before i know it i already reach home. As usual i feed my fishes and proceed opening the door. When i on the light, i saw a Kiehls paper bag on my laptop. My heart stopped a beat and i'm surprised. Went nearer and found a red box with a card attached to it. My tears started to fall. Have you ever felt that? You know you're not crying but your tears just kept flowing down? Then it reads "Two Horns Child, Maintain grooming!!! ahhahhha....... Love: Rose" It's from my sister. My only Christmas present this year. My only comfort now.  Now i'm sure i'm crying. I couldn't stop. Thank god i'm alone at home. I cried with sound!! like a bloody baby!! I cried for almost half an hour hugging the box. It really caught me off guard. I cried even more when i think of how pathetic is it when i couldn't get her a present and i'm almost jobless now. In my culture here. I am considered as an useless child / son. :(