Why is the question.

Why is it so difficult that i just want a pleasant man in my life?? From an angel I've decided to settle with a commoner. All i wanted is just a man that i could put up with. Pleasant looking and not sissy. Why? I could see these gay guys all over the streets. All that I've wanted and everywhere and all my friends friend. It's just so common. All the qualities that i wanted is just common. Why is it just not happening for me? It's not just not hurting me. When the moment happens it actually hurts two person at once. I'm sorry at what happened earlier. I really do not know how to react at such moments or situations. How am i gonna say i'm not interested at him? It's just gonna hurt another person.